Away for a While

My time at home has been packed catching up with family and friends, and as of tomorrow I will not have Internet access for an indefinite amount of time. We're hoping to get Internet as soon as possible after we arrive, but of course there's no telling how that will go.

I wish a Happy New Year to all of you, and I'll post again when I can!

Wish Me Luck

Last Friday was my last day of work (it was Dan's last day as well). I drove him to his office that morning, and on the way there he said he felt nervous. I did, too. You can know that change is coming, and even be excited about it, but for me there's always some benchmark I have to reach before the change feels real. The last day of work was a definite benchmark for both of us signaling that our lives were about to take a big shift. Definitely exciting, but also stressful--not only because of all the changes ahead, but also because of all the things that have to happen and have to be done before our lives will eventually settle back into some kind of stability.

We've been working hard the last several days wrapping up loose ends, contacting utility companies, running errands, getting ready for the holidays, concocting meals from the remains of our pantry and freezer, and, of course, packing. We've been so fortunate in so many ways, and though the packing is starting to get exhausting, I'm happy to report that we are nearing the light at the end of the tunnel. It appears that we might actually finish ahead of schedule--something I considered a near impossibility. As an extra incentive, we've agreed that if we finish up this weekend, we will head to Georgia a day early. I am desperate to get home for the holidays, so that extra motivation is enough to keep me packing far beyond my exhaustion point.

We head to Georgia on Tuesday at the latest, will be there until Sunday, then will be back here in St. Louis to meet the movers on Monday the 29th. On the 31st, we load up the cats in our car, drive to Columbus, Ohio, and enjoy a rockin' New Year's Eve at the La Quinta Inn right off of Interstate 70. We'll finish up our drive to Philly on the 1st, then wait for our stuff, which could arrive anywhere between the 2nd and the 8th. Dan starts work on the 5th. My sister gets married in Tennessee on the 9th. I am going to be one busy and tired girl.

All this is to say that I very likely will make sparse appearances from this point forward. I'll definitely pop in here and there, but if I disappear for several days, just imagine me surrounded by boxes, sitting by the Christmas tree with my mom, driving halfway across the country with my two sedated cats, or sitting in my empty apartment wishing for my couch, my bed, and dishes made of something other than paper.

There's so much ahead, and though it's a little overwhelming, I am so excited to be starting this next chapter in my life. Wish me luck!

Could My Hogwarts Letter Be Arriving Soon?

We've had a bit of ice and snow the past couple of days, and after many light flickers, our power finally went out last night. Dan and I lit candles and did the best we could to continue packing, but because we were in the middle of so much activity at the time of the outage, I felt rather jarred when everything suddenly went dark.

About 20 minutes after the lights went out, I was talking with Dan about that brief shock you experience when an outage first occurs, saying, "It's always so strange when the power suddenly goes out. Your first impulse is to just turn the lights back on."

Seriously, in the instant the words left my mouth, the power returned and the lights came on. Perhaps I am like Harry, able to make magical things happen without intention? Could this be just the beginning?

I am secretly hoping for an owl post any day now.

Happy Birthday, Adam

Today would have been Adam's 21st birthday. My stepmom, stepbrother, and dad visited his grave today, where they released 21 balloons. After years of struggle and troubles resulting from his addiction, I hope Adam is now as free as they are, soaring peacefully in the blue sky.

Missing Christmas

Christmas is, without question, my favorite time of year. I am a total sucker for the whole thing: the carols, the movies, the cookies, the parties, the trimming of the tree, the candelight service, the quintessential fireplace and hot chocolate. The usual things that cause people stress--buying gifts, hosting and attending parties, giftwrapping a hundred boxes--are things I have always enjoyed. I usually await Christmas every year with great anticipation; it is such a joyous and peaceful time for me, and has always been a very special day in my family.

In many ways I am so excited about the holidays. I can't wait to go home (I haven't been home since February), and my father-in-law will be joining us for Christmas, which will be a nice treat. Having drawn names, our Christmas stocking exchange has begun, and I am already quite excited and have started brainstorming ideas for my recipient's stocking. My lovely mother has extended a no-pressure invitation to my dad, stepmother, and stepbrother to join us all for Christmas dinner, understanding what a difficult holiday this will be for them, and they are planning to join us. It will be the biggest Christmas dinner of my life, and as a lover of all things holiday, I am really looking forward to it despite the sadness that will be lurking behind it. I can't wait to hug old friends and have a milkshake at The Grill, and to just be in the comfort of my mother's house where I spent so many years. She spends days--full days!--decorating, and it is a veritable Christmas wonderland. I can't wait to be surrounded by the lights and warmth.

But there's also facing the fact that this will be our first Christmas without Adam. That his birthday falls on December 16. That somewhere in the middle of festivities and grieving and reflection I will be packing up my stuff to ship it across the country, driving to Philadelphia in the middle of winter, and moving into a strange new place. Even my beloved Christmas tree with its many ornaments, so precious to me, won't make its way up this year because it just isn't practical considering that it would become one more thing to pack up.

As so, Christmas this year is not just the Christmas that I've always loved; it's Christmas and a million other things. I want to have the space for it all--the space to prepare for the move, to say goodbye to my life in St. Louis, to make a little room for this time I love, and to make sure the holidays don't pass by without remembering Adam. I feel tugged in so many directions, and all I really want to do is drink a cup of hot cocoa under a warm blanket in front of my very own Christmas tree, with no agenda but a peaceful and relaxing holiday and a time to renew my spirits. I've known that, realistically, the holidays were never going to be that. I've known that since we lost Adam in January. But you pile the move on top of everything else, and the deal is pretty much sealed--Christmas will not be the space that I need this year, and it most certainly will not be the same. And I already miss the most wonderful time of year, even this early on. I really do.

Grey's

I love "Grey's Anatomy." I really do. But I have to agree with the article here that the show is going to lose me soon if it keeps on its current track.

And the rumors that T.R. Knight is on his way out the door? Really, who the hell could blame him?

To my fellow "Grey's" fans, I strongly suspect this is the beginning of the end. Sad as it may be, I'm starting to think it's best for everyone.

Dreams

Sadly, for the most part, I do not remember my dreams. Even when I try to recall them upon waking, I usually only seem to remember the scary ones. In the last week, though, I've had several completely non-scary dreams that have remained vivid in my memory upon waking. Here is a quick summary, should they reveal anything telling about me. . .

• Dan and I are packing up the last of our stuff when we discover several extra rooms in our apartment. All of the sudden we realize that we have extra closets, another bedroom, and a full kitchen (regarding the latter, I respond, "We totally could have used both ovens when we were hosting everyone for Thanksgiving last year!").

• My friends Lena and Brandon are visiting. Just as they are getting ready to head back home, Lena realizes she cannot find her favorite shirt. We look all over the house, take a drive into the woods, and then I reach into the glovebox of the car and pull out a photo. It shows a picture of Lena's shirt right next to Snowbeary, my old teddy bear who now resides on my dresser. A true Nancy Drew, I stunningly discern that the shirt must be in my bedroom. We drive back, Lena and her shirt are reunited, and she and Brandon happily venture back home.
  

• And my personal favorite? It's my 30th birthday (which won't actually happen until April). There is a huge party, and friends and relatives from all over the country are attending. And then, as though it couldn't get any better, my mom surprises me with the best birthday gift of all: she has hired Lionel Richie for the evening's entertainment. Thanks to my fabulous mom, we are "Dancing on the Ceiling" "All Night Long."

Playlist

Thank you very much to the ladies who provided me with music suggestions. They will all definitely make their way onto my gym playlist!

Per Niki's request, here are a few of my own favorites, should anyone else need some extra motivation or just some fun car music (thanks goes to Ash for suggesting many of these to me when I was looking for ideas some time ago). There is more than one slightly embarrassing listing here, but hell, if a song can get me going at the gym at 6am, then I totally give it props.

"Just Fine," Mary J. Blige
"Survivor," Destiny's Child
"Stronger," Kanye West
"Smooth Criminal," Michael Jackson or Alien Ant Farm
"One Step at a Time," Jordin Sparks
"What's Your Flava," Craig David
"Hey Ya," Outkast
"Leavin'," Jesse McCartney
"Ride Wit Me," Nelly
"U Got the Look," Prince
"Lose My Breath," Destiny's Child
"Yeah," Usher
"If," Janet Jackson
"Jam," Michael Jackson
"Don't Stop the Music," Rihanna
"Forever," Chris Brown
"Single Ladies," Beyonce

Gift Idea and a Chance for Free Art

My lovely friend Sally, who recently won Best in Show in her first-ever juried photography exhibition in Atlanta, has made her photography debut in the world and now has her photos up for sale. Not only does she take beautiful photos, but her husband also happens to be quite the artist with the camera, and they are now offering an opportunity for folks to win one of their lovely photographs for free, including matting and framing! Visit here, and choose your favorite for a chance to win. Perhaps you will even find some lovely holiday gift ideas! Though it was nearly impossible for me to choose just one favorite (I love many of them), I'm hoping to win the one pictured below--just looking at the scenery and the beautiful colors makes me feel so relaxed and peaceful.

Winery at Sunset by Sally Parrott Ashbrook

Thanksgiving Weekend Recap

• I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, having missed it last year due to dinner preparations for nine people. I could do without some of the bad pop, but you've gotta love the Sesame Street and Care Bears floats, the Smurf balloon, and of course the appearance of Rick Astley.

• Per family tradition, Dan threw in some Italian food with our usual Thanksgiving fare. This year, he made some scrumptious meatless meatballs with homemade sauce. Thank you, God, for pecorino romano. And Dan's mashed potatoes? Fabulous.

• I don't think I have participated in Black Friday in at least a decade (my mom, sister, and I used to head out each year). In fact, I usually purposefully avoid it. But Dan and I have been on the hunt for a Garmin, considering that we will soon be in a metro area of nearly 6 million people with no idea where the nearest grocery store is (and possibly no Internet when we first arrive). I decided to check the sales ads, and there it was--the basic model we wanted for $100 off on Friday morning. We lined up outside Target at 5:30am, picked up our Garmin within minutes of the store opening at 6, and were walking out of the store (along with several other discounted items) by 6:20. We saved $170 on things we were already planning to buy. Score.

• Such savings precipitated more searches for deals, as we both have been in need of more winter clothing and more clothes for work. I don't think Dan and I have ever spent so much time shopping together, and I'm quite sure that we have never spent that much time together in a mall, but we got great deals on lots of things we've needed, including some much-needed new shoes and boots (no more frozen toes for me!). And we managed to time it so that the crowds weren't bad at all.

• Our lease for our apartment in Philly arrived in the mail over the weekend (it's official--we have somewhere to live!), and someone came out to do an estimate for our move on Friday morning. After moving from Wilmington to St. Louis, Dan and I pinky swore never to drive a U-Haul across the country again, and while we looked into services like U-Pack and PODS, we discovered that it really wouldn't be that much more expensive for a full-service move (the real estate market has hit moving campanies hard, so there are deals to be had). The movers are going to pad our furniture and shrink wrap our couch. They are going to load it all up. They are going to drive it all halfway across the country to Philadelphia in the middle of winter and then carry it up three flights of stairs. They are going to be my new favorite people and totally worth the extra few hundred dollars.

• The pre-moving purge has begun. I am usually anti-stuff, but of course nothing motivates you to get rid of stuff quite like moving does (particularly when you are being charged by the pound for every little item you take with you). I love the extra motivation to get rid of things.
  

• At my suggestion, my family has officially decided to skip giving gifts to everyone this year and start what will (hopefully) become a new tradition. . . the Secret Santa stocking filler. We are each going to fill the stocking of one person with fun little things like candy and gift cards and little items (only my mom will know who has been assigned to whom); it will allow us to be creative and give a variety of gifts without spending too much. Not to mention that I think the poor stocking has been reduced in status over the years and should be reinstated as the bearer of Christmas joy--what happened to the simple pleasures of an orange and a candy cane? This is going to be so much more fun that the endless "What do we get so-and-so this year?" conversations, and the fact that my father-in-law and my sister's fiance will also be participating only adds to the excitement!