Justice Sunday

Sorry for the brief hiatus. Last week was incredibly busy, partly due to work and partly due to busy preparations for Justice Sunday, which I organized for my church. I'm currently my church's committee chair/local representative for the Unitarian Universalist Service Committee (UUSC), and Justice Sunday is something that UUSC sponsors every year to educate UU congregations about a social justice issue and inspire them to take action.

I began as UUSC chair last fall; prior to that, no one had really invested a lot in promoting UUSC at our church. I decided that Justice Sunday was something I really wanted to help get off the ground, so I've been pretty busy for the last few weeks making plans, helping to put together the service, and delegating tasks to my committee members.

In addition to serving as leader for the worship service, I gave a 5-minute talk on the Justice Sunday topic for this year: the costs of the war in Iraq. The more I learned about this issue, the more I realized what a tremendous price we are paying. I've included an excerpt of my talk below and I hope that you will all take the time to read it; this is something I feel we all need to be more educated about.

This year for Justice Sunday, we join other UU congregations around the country in asking ourselves about the costs of the war in Iraq. While we may not all agree on the justification for the war, we can all agree that war comes at a cost. Most of us know the financial tab is high: so far, the war in Iraq has cost more than 460 billion dollars. But what does that number really mean, and how does it relate to our Unitarian Universalist values?

With every dollar our country spends on the war in Iraq, we make a choice. Since March 2003, when President Bush declared war, our government leaders have chosen to invest in a war that has no end in sight. What else might we have chosen to invest in? With the money that has been spent in Iraq over the last several years, we could have provided life-giving treatment for every person in the world infected with HIV/AIDS. The cost of the war for only one year could have provided health insurance for every uninsured American. And the money spent in Iraq for only one week could provide three meals a day for nearly an entire year for 6 million children, the same number that dies from hunger and malnutrition annually.

While we have expended our resources on a seemingly endless war, some of the poorest and most vulnerable people in our own country continue to suffer. More than 1.5 million people were directly affected by Hurricane Katrina, including more than 800,000 citizens who were forced to live outside of their homes—the largest displacement of people since the great Dust Bowl migrations of the 1930s. More than two years later, affordable housing is nonexistent in the Gulf Coast. Health care continues to be sorely lacking with only one of seven hospitals in New Orleans operating at pre-storm levels. Over 4,000 experienced teachers have been laid off from the New Orleans public school system, and while stress and mental health problems continue to increase, funding for mental health services continues to be reduced. With what the US spends on the war in Iraq for just one month, we could afford to rebuild each and every one of the homes and schools destroyed by Hurricane Katrina.

So where does this leave us? As Unitarian Universalists, our principles call us to the work of social justice, including our commitment to promoting a world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all. Such a world is possible. But it requires something of us. It requires us to be educated, to act, and to speak out. It requires us to take a stand, even when it is uncomfortable or inconvenient. It requires that we demand of our leaders different choices with our tax dollars—choices that affirm the worth and dignity of every person and that create a more just and peaceful world. Choices that could mean life-saving medical care, nourishment for starving children, or a return to safe and comfortable housing for the victims of Katrina.

In 1967, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.” As people of faith, we have a moral imperative to ensure that the financial choices we make as a nation are those of spiritual uplift. Today, I ask that you please join other Unitarian Universalists across the country in putting your values into action by educating yourself on this issue, choosing to act, and taking steps to help redirect our nation’s financial resources to those programs that will encourage peace and justice.

Pure Excitement

This morning, I received the most exciting news ever in my inbox: "Party of Five: The Complete Third Season DVD is now available."
This is definitely one of the most exciting things that has happened thus far in 2008.

"Party of Five" is probably my favorite show of all time (the only other show that might compete for the title is "Sex and the City."). When the first season of "Pof5" was released on DVD in May 2004, I was stoked. By December 2005, Season Two had made its way onto the shelves. And then. . . nothing. In the most cruel manner, Sony did not release any subsequent seasons of the show. I still have no idea why they would do such a mean thing, though it no doubt has something to do with sales.

Thus began a stream of online petitions (which I signed) and an obsessive search on my part to find any information about a possible Season 3 release. But there was absolutely no info to be found. I would periodically check, but I eventually gave up. I signed up for a service that notifies you when items are released on DVD, and if it weren't for that reminder, I probably would have forgotten to keep checking.

Thankfully, almost two and a half years after the release of Season 2, "Pof5" fans will finally have a chance to move on to Season 3. It has been such a long time since I watched the show on air that I can barely remember what happened; now that I'll have it on DVD, I can't wait to see what happens next. I'm quite sure that a marathon viewing is in my near future. Then I'll just have to prepare myself for the (undoubtedly) long wait for Seasons 4 through 6.

Confession

To the disappointment of some readers, this is not exactly a juicy confession. But I did want to publicly fess up to the fact that my Vegan Experiment has not quite proceeded as planned.

I was, in fact, meticulously vegan for the first two weeks of March (go me!). But around St. Patrick's Day, I slowly caved. It all started with an innocent piece of chocolate, then a cookie at the office bake sale. I thought about pretending those things didn't happen and forging ahead anyway, but then Dan and I traveled to Iowa City this weekend to visit our (always lovely) friends Lena and Brandon. Eating vegetarian food while traveling is difficult. Eating only vegan food while traveling five hours through rural Missouri and Iowa? Near impossible.

And, so, I have had to modify my vegan plan a bit. Despite our slips while eating out, Dan and I have still maintained strictly vegan homecooked meals, with the exception of one meal when we tossed some Pecorino Romano leftover from February onto some pasta and veggies (vegan or not, it's a shame to waste cheese that good). Realizing that my initial plan is not proving to be realistic for me right now, I'm going to modify the plan to vegan-only cooking for the rest of March. Just doing that should help us expand our catalog of vegan meals and hopefully lead to a more vegan lifestyle. I've already found that it's much easier to eat vegan at home than I anticipated, and I've discovered some wonderful vegan baked goods that I'll continue to make, including some truly scrumptious cranberry orange muffins featured on my friend Sally's blog.

So, even though I really want to continue my efforts to reduce the animal products in my diet, it appears that I will not become vegan anytime soon. It's just as well for now. I would really miss cheese.

The Road to Adulthood (via Fashion)

Last night, Dan and I went to a truly fabulous concert by Jose Gonzalez at Washington University, where I went to grad school. When I was a student there, I mostly just went to classes in one building (which has no undergrad programs). It has therefore been a while since I have actually found myself among a group of undergraduate students. There were some non-students at the concert, to be sure, including an older couple who sat right in front of us. But for the most part, it was people in the 18-22 age range; I could tell just by looking at what they were wearing.

The first clue was the sea of skinny jeans surrounding me, combined with 80s-inspired fashion. Then there was the girl in her pajama pants and ruffled hair, clearly sporting the "accidental" I-just-rolled-out-of-bed look, followed by a girl wearing a slip. Not a dress or a skirt with a slip; just a slip. And not a nice, fancy slip; it was just a plain (rather flimsy) slip that could have been purchased in the lingerie section of any Wal-Mart.

And then there was me and Dan. "What the hell is up with all of these skinny jeans? No one looks good in those." "Look at that girl in her pajamas. She looks ridiculous. Can't she bother to put on real clothes before she goes out in public?" "Oh my god, that girl is wearing a slip. No, really, it's just a slip. Since when is it okay to wear your underwear for an evening out?"

And then I realized that I sounded just like my mother. I remember her berating both my sister and me for sporting our pajama pants around our college campus (and likely other places, too). It was one of those moments that reminded me that I am officially a grown-up, so much that I have started to look down my nose at younger generations with their silly ways and silly fashion and silly music.

After my realization that I had undoubtedly crossed the threshold into adulthood, there was a break between sets, and I took off for the bathroom. I ended up in line next to a girl sporting skinny jeans and an awful top and ridiculous hair. I looked down at my feet. She and I were wearing the exact same shoes.

Virtual Vacation

For the last couple of weeks, my patience level has been about zero. I feel so on edge that I'm afraid I'm totally going to flip out on someone. It's not so much with my family or friends, but with my staff at work. I currently supervise seven staff, and at times they require a ridiculous amount of patience. Just when I think I've settled one problem, my pager goes off and my staff need something else. And quite honestly, some of them are just plain needy (though they often have good reason, so I shouldn't be so mean about it). I'd really like to go into some prime examples of how they have driven me crazy over the last few weeks, but I don't want to overtly complain about any particular individuals on my blog (you never know who's reading).

What I really need is a vacation, but unfortunately that is not going to be possible for a while. I planned a big one-week vacation in February to get some much-needed time off, but instead my vacation ended up being a few weeks after Adam died and the week that Ronnie died, so it wasn't a break at all. I really, really need some time away, and not just a few days, but a solid week or two. Unfortunately, I used all of my ETO with my trip home for Adam and then for my "vacation," so there really isn't any left for a while. Right now I'm just daydreaming about the non-obligatory vacation: the kind where you aren't visiting anyone and you have no agenda, the kind where you just get away and relax. With family all over the country (thus ETO = visits to see them), I haven't had one of those in a long, long time.

So, in lieu of an actual vacation, I will take a pretend one. Just for my own daydreaming purposes, please allow me to share with you what feels like a perfect vacation to me at this point.

1) A cozy cottage (preferably in England or Ireland)
2) A lovely window seat for reading many books
3) A beautiful garden, perfect for strolling about
4) Places to wander that look something like this
5) Lots of good coffee and tea
6) A cozy fireplace
Basically, I'd like to briefly jump onto the set of a Jane Austen movie, with the addition of some exquisite vegetarian food.

The good news is that a have a mini-getaway planned for this weekend to see my friends Lena and Brandon in Iowa, and another vacation with two of my best gal pals planned for April (destination: San Francisco!). Until then, I'll keep dreaming of my cozy cottage, beautiful and serene (and I'll take a little Colin Firth, too, if he's available).

Things You Should Start TODAY

Between Adam's death and death of Ashley's brother-in-law Ronnie, I've naturally been thinking a lot about what would happen if Dan or I died. Between my own family's experiences and those of Ashley's sister, I've definitely learned quite a bit about what would make things easier for my family if something were to happen to me. Sadly, most of us do not think about these things until something tragic happens in our lives. All of the things below are things Dan and I have thought about doing, and we all know that these are things we should do, but we tend to let them fall behind on our "to do" lists. I hope that you will all start taking care of these things today (and if you've already done them, bravo!). These are things that everyone should do, regardless of whether you are married or single, parents or childless, or with or without assets.

One of the things that Dan and I did a couple of years ago was put the numbers of each other and our parents in our phones and store them in our contact lists as "Emergencyone," "Emergencytwo," etc. We also created laminated cards that we put in our wallets behind our driver's licenses. The cards include emergency contact numbers, our medical conditions, what medications we are currently taking, and any allergies that we have.

Today, we created a sheet of information about all of our accounts: checking, savings, retirement accounts, school loan accounts, etc. We also included information about our life insurance policies, disability policies, and info about any items of value (such as our wedding rings, car, etc.). I've put together all pertinent info about each account or item such as where the account info can be accessed, online login IDs and passwords, value, beneficiary info, etc. I also included random login/password info such as me and Dan's e-mail accounts (we receive almost all of our statements electronically), our cell phone account info, our renter's insurance info, etc. We're placing all of this in a safe place and letting our siblings and parents know where it is in the event that something happens to both of us. In the event that something happens to only one of us, it will be critical for us to have this info so we can easily access those accounts that are not held jointly.

Another thing that we did today was type up information about what to do re: funeral arrangements in the event of our deaths. I cannot begin to tell you how important this is and how much agony it will save your families, as making decisions like these while you are still grieving a loss is a very difficult thing to do. There are so many questions to be answered: Burial or cremation? Should there be a viewing/open casket? Flowers or donations? If donations, where to? If the person is to be buried, where? What should they wear for burial? If cremation, what should happen with the ashes? What kind of service would the person prefer? We've tried to answer all of these questions, type up the info, and put it all together with our account info so that our wishes will be clear to our families and they will not have to try and make these decisions on their own. (You could, of course, just tell your families all of this, but I can just imagine one family member saying, "I remember Jenn telling me x" and another family member saying, "No, she told me she wanted y," so I prefer just to spell it out.)

The next thing that we are planning to do is create a living will (expressing our wishes of what to do if we become severely incapacitated to the extent that we need to be kept alive using artificial means--and if we would want those to continue), to assign a Power of Attorney for each of us so that someone can make decisions and handle our finances in the event that one of us becomes incapacitated, and to create a will. Dan and I don't have much in the way of assets right now, but we still feel that the latter step is an important thing to do for the little bit that we do have, and it can answer questions like who will take care of our cats should something happen to us.

Dan and I spent a significant amount of time at Borders last night reading up on estate planning. We ended up purchasing The Busy Family's Guide to Estate Planning, published by Nolo. Of all the books we looked at, we felt that this book presented everything we needed to know in the most straightforward way, and it includes a CD of documents and audio resources to help with estate planning preparation. It does not include lots of detailed info for special scenarios, but this is why we liked it--lots of the other books went to detail about things that weren't applicable to us, and it just seemed to add to the confusion. I've heard and read more than once that it is wisest to utilize an attorney to create a will, but the more work you do before you get an attorney's office, the less work they have to do, and thus, the less it will cost you. I find that the book we purchased will help us get started on lots of things before we meet with anyone. You can consider some of the software programs available to create a will, but there are lots of things that can vary from state to state, so using one of these might result in some loopholes or missing info.

I share all of this with you in hopes that those of you who have not yet thought about these things can get started. You might think that getting into all of this can feel morbid or depressing, but I've been surprised at how much better I feel. Even if I can't control when I die, I can control what I leave behind for those I love, and that makes me feel good.

Moment of Truth

While getting my weekly dose of "American Idol," I often see advertisements for FOX's new show, "The Moment of Truth." When I first saw a commercial for it, there was no doubt that this show meant a completely new low in the world of reality television.

Last night, I turned on FOX five minutes before 8:00 to catch "Idol," and in doing so I caught the last five minutes of "Truth." After a guy won $100,000 to admit that he had cheated on his wife with one of his friends' wives, the host asked, "What will it be. . . more tears or more money?" His wife was encouraging him to go on to the next level of $200,000, potentially opening herself up to more pain so her husband could double his take-home amount.

Lately, the commercials have been about how the contestants have risked ruining their marriages in order to win the big prize of $500,000. I realize that for some people watching this show is probably like driving by an accident--they know they shouldn't look, but they can't overcome the morbid curiosity. But what the hell is wrong with us that this is how we entertain ourselves? And what the hell must someone be thinking to be a contestant on this show and risk destroying their families for money?

I know our culture is obsessed with money and consumerism, but this is a new low I was not prepared for. Everything about this show really disturbs me, and I would like to officially declare it an abomination.

Good Thing: Quote for the Day

Improve every opportunity to wonder and worship, as a sunflower welcomes the light.

--Henry David Thoreau

Nothin to Be Done: Full Version

My sister has done a bit of at-home recording so she could share the song she wrote about Adam. You can listen to it here. Full lyrics are posted below.

Nothin to be Done

Verse 1:

When you closed your eyes that night did you know you wouldn't wake

How could you have known it was the greatest mistake

I know you had a broken heart that no one could mend

But the one that brought you comfort betrayed you in the end

Chorus:

And here I am without you

And I don't know what to say

Except yes, baby, you died too young

But there's nothin to be done, oh, nothin to be done

Verse 2:

My anger comes in waves but it's slowly giving way

To the grief around my heart

And if I could've brought you back, it would have been to blame

But now I'd give anything just to hold you in my arms

Verse 3:

The last time I saw your face it was painted and still

And I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye

I still can't say those words, but when I think of you now

I'll remember the face that holds your smile

Making Choices

For most of the day today, I volunteered with Big Brothers Big Sisters on a project called Making It Home. Families of little brothers and little sisters apply to have their homes completely transformed, including everything from structural repairs to organization to decorating. For this particular family, BBBS removed out-of-control mold from the walls, refinished the basement, redid the landscaping, and completely refurnished and decorated the entire house including new furniture and appliances, new coats of paint, wall hangings, lamps, bedding, accessories, etc. It was a bit like "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." I left before things were completely finished, but it was looking fantastic even at the almost-complete stage. It was a really neat thing to be a part of.

Of course, as with most all-day volunteer events, an array of edible treats was provided, including Krispy Kreme donuts, pizza, and frozen custard from Ted Drewes (a St. Louis classic). I have a lot of issues with food so it can be difficult for me to make healthy choices, and this was the first big challenge I've faced since beginning my vegan trial period (the first minor challenge was free cake at work on March 3). I have the ability to give up many things, but Krispy Kreme donuts? Those beautiful, crack-infused, melt-in-your-mouth wonders?

I have always had a hard time passing up free food. I still have this I-am-a-poor-college-student mentality that anything free placed in front of me must be eaten in its entirety. Sometimes, when I am having a hard time eating the right things, I tell myself, "Make a choice." Because I don't have to eat everything placed in front of me, and I don't have to continue bad eating habits. I can choose to do something different.

And, today, I chose to pass, even on the Krispy Kreme, even as it was being waved under my nose and people were (obnoxiously) taunting me to take a bite. While I of course have no objection to the occasional treat (I am not trying to suggest here that all junk food = evil), I had previously made a choice about my food for the month of March, and I wanted to stay true to it. I often feel like my food choices are beyond my control (e.g., I have a bad day and have suddenly downed half a pint of ice cream). But today, even with some of the most tempting things placed easily and freely before me, I maintained control of my choices in a way that surprised me. Passing on free Krispy Kreme and pizza is a huge victory for me. Please pardon me while I say to myself, "Yay, Jenn!"

Finding Our Calling

On Monday, I talked with my sister and learned that, after much deliberation, she has enrolled in vet tech school. This is very exciting news to me. For as long as I can remember, my sister has loved animals and wanted to work with them. For various reasons, she fell off course with that plan, bouncing between different career paths since starting college, and now she has finally ended up right back where she started.

Things like this always get me thinking about our true callings in life. For some people, it seems that their ambitions have always been clear to them. From childhood, they have charted a direct path towards fulfilling the career of their dreams (though I sometimes wonder if this path doesn't create itself in retrospect, rather than being clear from the beginning). I think such people are few and far between, but I always envy a bit those few who have always known what they wanted to do.

As someone with a host of things I feel passionate about, I've never been clear about my one true "calling." I do care deeply about social justice, and am very proud to be a social worker; I also, however, harbor ambitions of running my own business, and I dream of combining that with my love of organization and simplifying to become a professional organizer. Throughout high school and college, my teachers strongly encouraged me to pursue a career in writing (of the non-fiction variety; my creative writing is horrid!), and this is something I also dream about making a part of my career down the line. I suppose I should do professional organizing for people in need and then write about it. :)

However, all of these are rather recent ambitions of mine; they are not the things I dreamed about doing in my younger years. While I have always been (I think) a compassionate person, I never really thought of making a career out of social justice; and while I always enjoyed writing as a child, I only briefly (in middle school) thought about becoming a writer. Instead, the thing I most wanted to do for years and years was be in the performing arts. I loved dance and theatre, and I participated for years in both of them; to this day, I still feel deeply moved by all forms of art, but particularly those two.

My love for the performing arts still surfaces in me every time I see a show, or even when I just make it a point to be the center of attention on the dance floor at my holiday work party. :) But as much as I love the arts, in all honesty, that is no longer a dream I have for myself in terms of a career. This is true for practical reasons (it's too late in my life to consider that now, I know I don't have the talent that it takes, etc.), but mostly it's true because I no longer have the ambition for it. It's impossible for me to imagine myself in that life now, though it was the only thing that I wanted 10 years ago.

And so, this makes me wonder. . . do our dreams change, or do we just let them go? Have I simply taken on more practical and achievable ambitions, or have I matured beyond what I wanted years ago? Certainly, as we grow and change, the things that we want will grow and change. But it's hard to know if I'm getting closer to who I've been all along (the tender-hearted person who craves order), moving further away from who I really am (the girl who loves the spotlight), or becoming someone new altogether.

In the end, I don't know that it matters; right now, I feel satisfied with my current career and hopeful about the things I'd like to achieve down the road. And I don't know that there is one answer to who we "really are" and what our one "true calling" is; it seems much more natural that our ambitions should change as we learn more about ourselves and gather more experiences.

Though, as with my sister, sometimes our experiences take us right back to the beginning--and I'm sure that's a good feeling, too.

Snow!

St. Louis has had a lot of snow lately, by Missouri standards. I missed the last big snow while vacationing in Georgia. I was a little disappointed about that, as I absolutely love snow and always hate to miss it. I'm like a little kid every time snow falls; I usually can't wait to get outside and run around in it.

Today I definitely got my chance. The snow came down, peaceful and beautiful, all day long, and by 5:00 we had received about eight inches. As if that weren't enough, we got the okay from my boss to work from home today, so I kept the blinds open and watched it drift outside my window all afternoon. Lovely.

You can tell that I am from Georgia, because I now feel the need to post snow pictures.

A bench in the park right behind our house.

Help! I can't find my feet!

It was superfun digging my car out from under
all of this, especially since we don't own a shovel.

Snowprints! (I'm on the right; Dan's on the left.)

Casualties of the Writers' Strike

While I would once again like to say that I understand the WGA strike and applaud them for their efforts, I am so glad that it is over. Unfortunately, the casualties are worse than I thought they would be. "Grey's Anatomy" is reportedly set to return April 24 with five new episodes--later and less than I hoped for. (Also, I apparently missed one new episode that randomly aired January 10--was I the only one who didn't know about this?)

And "Private Practice?" Apparently it's gone until fall. This is sad. Very sad.

Nothin to Be Done

I hope that I am not scaring away all of my readers with yet another sad post, but I did want to share this. My sister wrote a song about Adam, and when I was in Asheville, she played it for me. It was just lovely (and very impressive for her first attempt at songwriting), and of course it made me cry. I've been hearing it in my head ever since. I wish there was a way for me to share the music with you, which is just beautiful, but instead, here's some of the lyrics.

Nothin to be Done

Verse 1:

When you closed your eyes that night did you know you wouldn't wake

How could you have known it was the greatest mistake

I know you had a broken heart that no one could mend

But the one that brought you comfort betrayed you in the end

Chorus:

And here I am without you

And I don't know what to say

Except yes, baby, you died too young
But there's nothin to be done, oh, nothin to be done

Things are slowly getting easier, though my emotions still run the gamut from denial to anger to sadness to acceptance. I will admit that it was extremely difficult at times to be back home, and I know it is easier for me to move on here in St. Louis than it is for my family who is walking past his empty bedroom every day. But hopefully, as time passes, things will get a little easier for us all.