Things You Should Start TODAY

Between Adam's death and death of Ashley's brother-in-law Ronnie, I've naturally been thinking a lot about what would happen if Dan or I died. Between my own family's experiences and those of Ashley's sister, I've definitely learned quite a bit about what would make things easier for my family if something were to happen to me. Sadly, most of us do not think about these things until something tragic happens in our lives. All of the things below are things Dan and I have thought about doing, and we all know that these are things we should do, but we tend to let them fall behind on our "to do" lists. I hope that you will all start taking care of these things today (and if you've already done them, bravo!). These are things that everyone should do, regardless of whether you are married or single, parents or childless, or with or without assets.

One of the things that Dan and I did a couple of years ago was put the numbers of each other and our parents in our phones and store them in our contact lists as "Emergencyone," "Emergencytwo," etc. We also created laminated cards that we put in our wallets behind our driver's licenses. The cards include emergency contact numbers, our medical conditions, what medications we are currently taking, and any allergies that we have.

Today, we created a sheet of information about all of our accounts: checking, savings, retirement accounts, school loan accounts, etc. We also included information about our life insurance policies, disability policies, and info about any items of value (such as our wedding rings, car, etc.). I've put together all pertinent info about each account or item such as where the account info can be accessed, online login IDs and passwords, value, beneficiary info, etc. I also included random login/password info such as me and Dan's e-mail accounts (we receive almost all of our statements electronically), our cell phone account info, our renter's insurance info, etc. We're placing all of this in a safe place and letting our siblings and parents know where it is in the event that something happens to both of us. In the event that something happens to only one of us, it will be critical for us to have this info so we can easily access those accounts that are not held jointly.

Another thing that we did today was type up information about what to do re: funeral arrangements in the event of our deaths. I cannot begin to tell you how important this is and how much agony it will save your families, as making decisions like these while you are still grieving a loss is a very difficult thing to do. There are so many questions to be answered: Burial or cremation? Should there be a viewing/open casket? Flowers or donations? If donations, where to? If the person is to be buried, where? What should they wear for burial? If cremation, what should happen with the ashes? What kind of service would the person prefer? We've tried to answer all of these questions, type up the info, and put it all together with our account info so that our wishes will be clear to our families and they will not have to try and make these decisions on their own. (You could, of course, just tell your families all of this, but I can just imagine one family member saying, "I remember Jenn telling me x" and another family member saying, "No, she told me she wanted y," so I prefer just to spell it out.)

The next thing that we are planning to do is create a living will (expressing our wishes of what to do if we become severely incapacitated to the extent that we need to be kept alive using artificial means--and if we would want those to continue), to assign a Power of Attorney for each of us so that someone can make decisions and handle our finances in the event that one of us becomes incapacitated, and to create a will. Dan and I don't have much in the way of assets right now, but we still feel that the latter step is an important thing to do for the little bit that we do have, and it can answer questions like who will take care of our cats should something happen to us.

Dan and I spent a significant amount of time at Borders last night reading up on estate planning. We ended up purchasing The Busy Family's Guide to Estate Planning, published by Nolo. Of all the books we looked at, we felt that this book presented everything we needed to know in the most straightforward way, and it includes a CD of documents and audio resources to help with estate planning preparation. It does not include lots of detailed info for special scenarios, but this is why we liked it--lots of the other books went to detail about things that weren't applicable to us, and it just seemed to add to the confusion. I've heard and read more than once that it is wisest to utilize an attorney to create a will, but the more work you do before you get an attorney's office, the less work they have to do, and thus, the less it will cost you. I find that the book we purchased will help us get started on lots of things before we meet with anyone. You can consider some of the software programs available to create a will, but there are lots of things that can vary from state to state, so using one of these might result in some loopholes or missing info.

I share all of this with you in hopes that those of you who have not yet thought about these things can get started. You might think that getting into all of this can feel morbid or depressing, but I've been surprised at how much better I feel. Even if I can't control when I die, I can control what I leave behind for those I love, and that makes me feel good.