Good Thing: Gratitude

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. ~Melodie Beattie

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

The Facebook Condundrum

About a month ago, my friend Kim--who is serving in the Peace Corps in South Africa--sent me an invitation to view her Facebook profile. I am, of course, eager to keep in touch and have news of her adventures. The problem is that I do not have a a Facebook account, and I have been reluctant to have one (or anything like it) for years.

I am always a little slow when it comes to communication technology. I thought about putting up a blog long before I was actually ready to do it, and I am very selective about the blogs I read. I do not have a MySpace or Facebook account, or anything similar. I was slow to get e-mail when it first started up, and even slower to get a cell phone. I have no interest in anything that allows me to check my e-mail when I am away from my computer. I still rarely send text messages, and almost always prefer phone calls.

Part of this is my aversion to spending a lot of time on the computer. I enjoy checking e-mail and reading blogs, and I check out a few websites here and there, but I have never been one to sit and browse. When I was a freshman in college, I spent a lot of time on Instant Messenger before I realized that I spent almost as much time chatting on my computer as I did talking to people in real life. I quit using it almost immediately.

Aside from a constant desire to reduce my computer time (and instead get to a book or take a walk outside), some of the new ways of communicating just don't feel as meaningful to me. For years and years, I was an avid letter writer. In addition to my Swedish pen pal, I wrote to my great aunt (who I never met) until the day she died, to an old college professor, and to several friends during their time overseas. In high school and college, my friends and I often exchanged heartfelt letters and cards, or just little notes to say hello. My dad sent me letters almost weekly after I left home for school. I rarely send letters anymore, and it's even rarer that I get a heartfelt card in my mailbox (not that I am always particularly good at sending them, either). Of course, heartfelt e-mails are nice, but there's something to be said for holding a note in your hand, penned by someone you love. A note in Times New Roman or Arial font is not the same as someone's handwriting. E-mails are deleted or practically disappear into folders I never revisit; letters stay tucked away and are lovingly reread anytime I move or clean out my desk or just feel nostalgic. On top of this, I absolutely adore stationery. I have three small drawers full of beautiful cards and paper, and I am constantly resisting the temptation to buy more.

For me, it's all about choices. I have limited time, and I have been growing more conscious in recent years about how I spend it. More and more, I am seeking quality over quantity. True friends instead of just more friends, especially as I see my truest friends less and less as we move away, start new schools or jobs, get married, and have families. Don't get me wrong--e-mail and blogging has been a wonderful way to stay connected with current friends and reconnect with old ones (and even make some brand new ones!). But I miss taking the time to send cards to my friends. I miss the kind of conversations you can only have while sitting down over coffee or a glass of wine. I'd like to make more space in my life for phone calls instead of quick e-mails, more room for heartfelt cards of appreciation for what people mean to me instead of e-cards that only appear on birthdays and holidays. You know, the old stuff. In my mind, the good stuff.

Of course, I know there are great things about Facebook, too, like catching up with people you never otherwise would have reconnected with, as my friend Ash very recently did. On the other hand, I am well aware that it is a notorious time sucker. To reap the benefits of Facebook (including keeping up with Kim!), I will definitely join, and I'm looking forward to having another way to keep up with folks and reconnect with people who could be new true friends in my life. But I don't want to spend too much time there answering friend requests from people I have no real interest in talking to, or obsessively looking up ex-boyfriends or past classmates or coworkers. I will join, but to avoid getting sucked in, I might literally set a timer to make sure I don't spend too much time there. Hopefully that will still leave me some time to call those dear friends I haven't talked to in months, or send my grandmother a letter, or call up a friend here in town for some conversation and hot cocoa. That is the stuff I miss, and if it's quality over quantity, I will take that, please.

Suggestions, Please

I am seeking new music for my MP3 player, as I am one of the last dinosaurs in America who does not yet own an iPod. The specific purpose of this music is an extra kick of motivation at the gym. I have a nice list started, but I'm looking for more options so I will have lots of ways to change things up. Anything will do--my current playlist includes everything from Michael Jackson to world music to Flight of the Conchords to Kanye West. Suggestions are most appreciated.

More Luck

One of the things that makes me a little sentimental about leaving St. Louis, aside from the fact that I will miss the Botanical Gardens, is that I love my apartment. It is in an old building, with a private entrance, hardwood floors, lots of natural light, and a little sunroom in front that our cats have claimed for their own. We are within 10 minutes' walking distance of dozens of restaurants and shops, including Mi Ranchito, my favorite Mexican place. Our laundromat is half a block away, as is the library and post office, and our gym is about a mile away. Top all of that with the fact that it's very affordable and our management company is great (they are right on top of maintenace issues, and they've been very forgiving the one or two times when life got overwhelming and we forgot to pay rent), and you can see why I am hesitant to leave it behind.

Our lovely little building

While Dan was in Philly for his interview, we decided it made sense for him to stay a couple of extra days and check out apartments in the area. There were several places that could have worked, and luckily they all had availability just a few days before Dan hoped he would start his job. After he got the offer yesterday, we contacted the landlord of the place we were most interested in only hours later. In yet another fabulous stroke of luck, the landlord got back to us right away, indicating that the apartment is still available. We've sent a deposit to hold the place via PayPal, and barring any mishaps, we have one job lined up and a place to live, all accomplished within 24 hours. Score!

The apartment is in the city (not far from Center City), in a lovely, leafy area called East Falls. In addition to having hardwood floors (I would find it hard to go back to carpet at this point), it has extra storage space in the basement and a washer and dryer on site (trust me, these are both a very big deal). It is just steps away from streets full of rowhouses, two blocks from a library in an historic building, less than a mile from an affordable gym, and half a block from the train station (this will make for awesome commuting)! And, unless disaster strikes, we are going to live there!

With a job in place and an apartment waiting for us, everything else seems like it will fall into place. Sure, there is more to do than I would like to think about, and no doubt mishaps will occur, but with those two things out of the way (and so quickly!), it is definitely letting both me and Dan breathe a huge sigh of relief. I can hardly believe we'll be on the way in only six weeks!

Luck

Last month, I took a huge leap of faith when I decided to leave my job. It simultaneously seemed like the right thing to do and a completely insane thing to do. Now is hardly the time to be tossing jobs aside, and my recent history with job searches is nothing short of a horror story. I literally had no plan except to get out of there.

When it comes to jobs and moves, I've come to the conclusion that there is no predicting things. After college, I joined AmeriCorps, moved to Nashville with no place to live, and ended up living on the couch of a person I met on the Internet until we found an apartment together. This is not necessarily a smart thing to do, but luckily it worked out and she is now a good friend. Years later, I graduated with a Master's degree from the #2 school of social work in the country, had a host of connections in the St. Louis area, snagged many interviews and had glowing recommendations, and remained underemployed for nearly eight months. So much for predictions and conventional wisdom.

Last month, it seemed like a ridiculous stroke of luck when my supervisor asked me to stay on after I submitted my resignation. I'll admit that it was more than luck--I was very good at my job--but the fact that someone would practically create a position for me seemed a little too good to be true. I do not have luck with jobs. I was quite prepared for yet another long stretch of unemployment. Given the fact that I was handed a break, it seemed impossible that Dan could also be so fortunate.

Last week, Dan had his interview in Philadelphia. During his first interview (via phone), his potential supervisor seemed to practically be falling all over him. He felt really good about things and booked his plane ticket with confidence. However, during the in-person interview, he seemed a lot less sure as the interviewer threw out things like "we have several great candidates" and "this seems like the kind of job where you might work a couple of years and then move on." He left the interview feeling a bit disheartened. In keeping with our original plans, he looked at apartments anyway, though we couldn't help wondering if it was a little premature to do so. After several days passed with no word, we decided that the best thing to do was accept that the job may not be for him and hope something else came along.

And then, this afternoon, he got the call. He got the job, and with a higher salary than he was expecting. When he called me at work today to give me the news, I literally squealed aloud at my desk. Since the job is at a university, the benefits are great. The department is totally fine with letting him start January 5 so that we have time to move; luckily, the apartments that we have in mind are available January 1. It looks like there will continue to be work for me at my job until I'm ready to go, and of course Dan will be employed in his current position until the move. It could hardly be more serendipitous.

I'm ecstatic at the thought of moving, so proud of Dan for his accomplishment, and so ready to move on to the next phase of our lives. There is a tiny part of me, though, that feels uneasy. It's all coming together so well that I'm almost waiting for the other shoe to drop. So many people are struggling now; why should we be so fortunate? How did Dan manage to find a job so easily when so many people are having such a hard time? And--this is the part that makes me most nervous--what will my job search be like? After my last experience, I would have been nervous about my job search regardless of the economy. Add the flailing job market to my bad experience, and it's enough to make me not want to think about it at all.

Just yesterday, one of Dan's good friends, who also happens to live in Philly, got news that he did not get the job he has been hoping for for weeks. I am acutely aware that so many people I know and love are having a difficult time right now, are worried about their futures, and can hardly bear to think about how all the bills will be paid. Though my initial reaction to Dan's news was nothing short of enthusiasm (I am honestly so proud of him and can't wait to be in Philly!), only hours later I'm having to remind myself that this is wonderful news, that I do have every reason to be happy and hopeful, and that now is not the time to worry about what will come next. As I've learned many times, there is no predicting. But we can keep working at it, and keep hoping. And every once in a while, when you least expect it, luck really will be on your side. I wish the same for all of you.

And on that note, I must say that I am so excited. I'm so ready for a change, I can't wait to be closer to family and friends, and I've been waiting to live in a fantastic city on the East Coast for a long time. Philly, here we come!!

Almost French

I'm not exactly a book critic, but I wanted to take a minute to recommend my latest read, Almost French by Sarah Turnbull. It's a memoir about an Australian woman who meets a French man in Bucharest, takes him up on his offer to visit him in Paris, and ulimately decides to stay with him for good. This is a light, humorous read, mostly due to the author's knack for doing and saying exactly the wrong things as she fumbles her way through an undeniably paradoxical culture. There were times when the writing left me a little cold, and the plot isn't exactly thriller-paced, but it is a fascinating glimpse into French life. I was totally engrossed learning all sorts of tidbits about Parisians: their tendency to avoid talking to one another at cocktail parties (apparently it's not uncommon for couples to spend the entire evening talking only to each other), their impression that shorts or jogging pants worn in public equates to polluting their beautiful city, and their neverending devotion to food (I'm totally down with this one).

If, like me, you don't have the time or money for a real vacation, reading this book is a lovely way to vicariously spend your days in Paris. As an added bonus, it will give you some great tips on how to act like less of an obnoxious American should you ever have the chance to visit in person. :)

Photos

I have a random assortment of photos I've been wanting to post. They have no real theme in common except that they were all taken in the last few months and represent fun little things I've been up to. I will refrain from trying to cleverly tie them together in any other way.

Dan and I visited a local sculpture park in September. We weren't really blown away, but I was instantly drawn to this one, no doubt due to my obsession with trees.

Dan and one of the park's most recent acquisitions (because who doesn't like a ginormous eyeball?)

This one was actually pretty impressive, if only for its enormity. You can see a tiny little me in the bottom left corner.

One of our latest puzzles, a gift from my sister. This one was freakin' hard. But of course that just made it all the better when we finally plugged in the last piece!

My dad came for a visit in October. We were at the farm for apples and pumpkins, but he couldn't resist a picture with the past-its-prime corn.

Dan in front of his elementary school, outside of Chicago. This was the first chance I've had to be in a place where he grew up, so it was kind of a special moment for us.

On Election Day, enthused with the results

A Big Day Tomorrow

Dan's job interview is tomorrow at 9am. I'm dying to see how it turns out, and to find out if we might be moving to Philly in the near future. Please think of him tomorrow morning and send him good luck!

Seven Things

I've been tagged by Eve to share seven things you might not know about me. I would never, ever say no to Eve.

1) I do not know how to dive. I have never even really tried to do it. I just never quite got how it's all supposed to work and what I'm supposed to do with all of my body parts. I either take the pool steps or ungracefully jump in.

2) I am even more anal retentive than I seem. I sometimes think I border on obsessive compulsive. If someone turns a picture frame 30 degrees on my dresser, I will totally notice it and move it back. Most nights, I have to put all the pillows back on my couch just so and refold our living room blanket before I go to bed. Everything on my desk stays in neat little stacks. It drives me crazy when things are out of place. Someone could make a very fun game out of living with me. . . .

3) I am the person who actually buys the six packs of Valentine's Day and Easter and Halloween and Thanksgiving cards. I feel ridiculous buying cards for every little holiday, but I just get so excited about holidays that I can't help it. Plus I love to write cards and send mail. I continue to send a ridiculous number of Christmas cards every year, even to people who have never once acknowledged a Christmas card that I have sent them. I feel a little guilty about the environmental impact of all those cards, but it makes me so happy to send them, and sending e-cards just isn't the same.

4) Speaking of correspondence. . . I have had the same pen pal since the sixth grade. She lives in Sweden. A few years ago we switched to e-mail, but we still keep in touch now and then. It's astounding to me that I've been writing someone I have never met for over 15 years. Hopefully we'll meet someday when I finally make it to Europe!

5) I have an obsession with staying well-hydrated and well-moisturized. I rarely go anywhere without water, lip balm, and lotion. I cannot sleep at night before applying lotion to my hands, putting on lip balm, and taking one last sip of water before I turn out the light. See #2.

6) One of my favorite things in the world is Totino's Crispy Crust Party Pizzas (cheese, please). These are the extra-super cheap pizzas that usually sell for around $1. I inexplicably get cravings for them. I will admit that I truly love them, and that I deliberately avoid reading the ingredient list and nutrition information.

7) I am more domestic than I ever realized or was ready to admit. I love baking cookies and hosting parties. I love using my fancy dishes. I love that I have pretty towels and sheets. I feel ridiculous happiness walking around places like IKEA, Target, Crate & Barrel, and Bed, Bath, & Beyond. I've noticed that I gravitate more and more to the home magazines at the bookstore. I used to make fun of my mom's magazines and her talk of curtains and bedspreads--I honestly thought that would never be me, but here I am. It is weird, but good.

Stoked to be on my first visit to an IKEA store (Pittsburgh)

I don't think I will do any deliberate tagging here, but if anyone wants to share their own seven things, by all means, please do!

And in Continued Good News. . .

Prop 2 passed overwhelmingly in California, it looks like Question 3 will pass in Massachusetts, and a rescue dog will be making his or her way to the White House. Hooray for the animals!

I finally made it to bed at 2:30 after being up and going for 22 hours. Last night while brushing my teeth, I looked in the mirror at my tired, bloodshot, puffy eyes. "God," I said aloud,"I look like shit. But I am happy shit."

Not everything went the way I hoped statewide and locally, and I'm still hoping Prop 8 will be defeated in California, but I must say, overall, this is the best election ever!

Yes We Can

This morning my alarm was set for 4:45am, but I woke up at 4:25 and couldn't get back to sleep. It felt like times when I have awoken early the night before a trip, trying in vain to trick myself into going back to sleep by pretending that it is just another day. Dan and I arrived at our polling place just before 6 when the polls opened. I could not believe what we saw when we arrived--well over a hundred people already in line. The line continued to grow and, eventually, circled around the corner and out of sight. In the end, we waited in line for three hours before finally casting our votes for change.

The strange thing is, the time at the polls seemed to fly by. We live in a very diverse--and heavily Democrat--area. While waiting in line, people literally danced in the streets. They sang, including two different rounds of "Happy Birthday" upon discovering the birthday of a neighbor in line next to them. They laughed. They told jokes. They emerged from the polling place with shouts of enthusiasm and their arms held high. I have never, ever witnessed anything quite like what I saw this morning. There was so much excitement and joy in the air. There was no question that we were a part of something very big. At 9am, 8am, and even at 7am, people could not hold back their anxious anticipation of what was to come and of what could be.

The only downside of this long wait was its infringement upon my volunteer time. I was scheduled to volunteer from 7-9am (or thereabouts) at a polling place for Obama. No one--not even the Obama volunteer coordinators--anticipated that my wait in line would be so long. By the time Dan and I arrived at the Obama office around 9:30, things at the polls had slowed down, there was no immediate need for folks (they actually had a surplus of volunteers!), and I was in desperate need of getting to work. With great disappointment, I left my volunteer plans behind. Dan volunteered with the campaign for the rest of the day, and I went to work and then on to class, trying once again to pretend it was a normal day in a vain effort to gain focus on the tasks at hand.

Tonight, Dan and I joined a group of 15 or so for a results watch party. When the words "President-Elect Barack Obama" flashed on the screen, I did not really understand. As the champagne was uncorked and cheers rang in the air, I did not understand. As the electoral votes continued to pile up and John McCain conceeded, I still did not understand. It was not until Barack Obama gave his acceptance speech that I finally understood. I finally could look at someone and say, "That is my President." I finally heard my President speaking in a language I understood, in words that rang true to me, with a sincerity and hope that made me believe maybe it is possible to have the world I dream of. I couldn't keep the tears from falling down my face, could not hide my joy and relief at finally feeling that--for the first time--an elected official was committed to being a representative of the people, to being a representative of me. After years of feeling like a stranger in a strange land following many an election, I finally felt like an American at home in her own country. It is a beautiful and overwhelming thing to finally see the glimmers of a land you have always wished for--the one that just might live up to all the grand things you've been told about your great nation from the time you were small. To actually think about your country and say to yourself, "I can't wait to see where we go next." For the first time, in a long time, to believe in the place you call home. And to know that, for so many people, they might be able to believe in the promise of this country for the very first time.

Yes, we can. Yes, we did. And yes, we will.

Seriously

I am sick. Again. I have yet another sinus infection, after finishing antibiotics for my first sinus infection only three weeks ago. I spent almost all weekend in bed. This is doubly sad because it appears I missed the only weekend to really enjoy the fall leaves at their peak, and they are gorgeous this year.

Fearing that my infection might interfere with my plans for Election Day, I called my doctor first thing. I have already begun my next round of antibiotics (I am, by the way, not antibiotic-happy or anything, but I know from much experience that nothing else will do at this point).

I will be at the polls tomorrow morning, dammit. I will vote, I will volunteer for Obama, I will make it to the watch party tomorrow night. I have been waiting for this for eight years and no little sinus infection will stop me!

(Seriously, I am begging the universe to please, please let me be well tomorrow morning. Missing Election Day will be like missing Christmas--it cannot happen!) Here's hoping that some rest and antibiotics do their job.

Whatever your political persuasion, happy voting tomorrow!