Sigh

So I managed to keep up the regular posting for a while, then let it fall to the wayside. I've thought about blogging, but I just can't seem to get around to it lately, for a multitude of reasons.

First, the job search means I spend a good deal of time on the computer doing Internet research, writing cover letters, tweaking my resume, etc. I hate, hate, hate spending hours and hours in front of a computer screen. Lately, by the time I am done with my job search tasks for the day, I can hardly stand to be in my office anymore. (Now is a time in my life when having a laptop would be very good.)

Then there's Facebook. Though I've gotten over the initial Facebook overload, I still spend a decent amount of time there. My disdain for too much face time with the computer means that, with the increased time in front of the screen catching up with folks via social networking, something else had to go.

Though I think about doing posts, lately I feel like I don't have much to say. My days feel insanely monotonous as I spend most of my time holed up in my apartment taking care of things around the house and working on the job search. I probably need to get out more, but it's too damn cold to enjoy the free things in life (e.g., walks around the neighborhood or trips to the park) and I can't afford much else until I'm gainfully employed. Dan and I did make it to a Drexel basketball game this weekend (we had comp tickets) and had a chance to try the Chinese place around the corner from us (which, I'm happy to say, is quite good and even offers mock chicken in their vegetarian recipes--for once, there are more options that tofu!).

Finally--and this is probably the biggest culprit--I'm experiencing a bit of general malaise. There is a small part of me that worries I'm starting on the fringes of another phase of job search depression (and I do not mean depression as a temporary state of mind, but more of the clinical definition of the word). There's no real reason for me to be depressed--I've found a surprising number of leads, the number of social service organizations in Philly is astounding, and it's still too early in the job search for me to be feeling the pangs of rejection. Maybe it's just the anticipation of rejection, or the anxiety that I will once again be unemployed or underemployed for months. I'm starting to worry more about money, too, and financial insecurity sends me into a state of anxiety and guilt like nothing else. I'm still plugging away, but I'm finding it harder to get motivated. This worries me a little, and my lack of motivation sometimes spills over into other things.

Not that things are all bad. I have good days and bad days. Today just happens to be a bad day, so chances are good that I'll be perfectly fine tomorrow. I feel better knowing that I at least can recognize what's going on and try to do things that I know will be good for me. I'm going to get back to my regular exercise routine (it all kind of fell apart with the move), so that should help a lot. And I'm going to really focus on taking care of myself, which will mean giving myself what I need, when I need it. Which means I might not be blogging as often, so please have patience with me and keep checking back. I do promise some activity here and there!