Saying Hi

Today was a rough day. I am currently experiencing two of the most stressful life events at the same time: being unemployed and living in a new place. Sometimes it overwhelms me. Over the weekend, I started to really miss some of the comforts of my life in St. Louis and to wish for the familiarity of the things I left behind. I knew where my favorite restaurants were, and where to go for unique gifts, and how to get from point A to point B. My neighborhood was so lively and so close to everything. I could walk to dozens of shops and restaurants. There were trees outside my window. I loved, loved, loved my apartment.

My neighborhood here has some of the same qualities of my old place, but is lacking in the same vibrancy, especially now during the winter months. There are a few restaurants, but not many, and there is not really any local shopping nearby. My apartment is nice, but it doesn't quite feel like home yet, and my neighbors are a nightmare (on the upside, I learned today that the landlord is working on getting them out of here!). There is no green outside my window right now--just brown, lifeless branches and a parking lot. I don't yet feel any real connection to this place I'm in.

And, frankly, everything seems so hard. It's easy to forget all of the little things that you have to take care of when moving to a new city. Things like finding a doctor and a dentist; figuring out where the nearest coffee shop is; researching where to go for the best Mexican food; learning the best ways to avoid traffic; realizing you need a haircut, and then realizing you don't yet have a stylist. Everything takes longer and takes more steps. Sometimes, more than anything, I just wish those little things were easier, especially considering all the other, bigger worries that are weighing on me these days.

When I opened my e-mail inbox today, I had a newsletter from the Missouri Botanical Gardens, announcing the upcoming blooming of the cherry trees. I literally almost cried. The Gardens were my sanctuary and my favorite place in St. Louis, and I remember a particularly memorable visit there last year when the cherry trees were blooming in the most magical way. I felt so peaceful and comfortable on that day. It's a feeling I haven't really had a in a while.

It has all left me feeling kind of alone lately, like a stranger in a strange land.

In an effort to get out of the house and try to lift my spirits, Dan and I went to Starbucks earlier this evening (like so many things, we still don't know the local spots for coffee). There, printed on the side of my paper cup, was "The Way I See It #141."

I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.
--Augusten Burroughs

Sometimes, in the most beautiful way, the right things come to you at the right time. With those simple words, I felt a little less strange, and a little less alone. True, right now, I am on the outside. But this printed message reminded me that I need to slowly make friends with this new place, and be open to the possibilities. One day, I just might feel married to this city, to my favorite places yet undiscovered.

As it turns out, thousands of cherry trees bloom in Fairmount Park every spring. Next month, when they are at their peak, I plan to go over and say, "Hi."