To My Sister on Her Birthday

Today is my little sister's 30th birthday. Despite the fact that it's been over two years since I crossed that threshold myself, I find this a bit hard to digest, as in so many ways she will always be the little girl in pigtails that I played with and imagined with and bossed around (sorry about that, Sis). Though I've tried my best to leave the bossy part of the big sister role behind, now seems a fitting time to embrace the big sister in me that wants to be proud and shower affection and give some big sister advice on this momentous day.

My dearest Melissa (a.k.a. Missy, a.k.a. Seester), having a sister like you is among the greatest joys in my life. To me you are family. Best friend. Partner in silliness. Keeper of secrets. The person who understands me like no one else can.


For both of us, I think the 20s were a lot about answering the question, "What am I going to do?" The big questions were all about finding the right career path, getting the right job, picking the right place to live, choosing the right partner. Thinking over the last decade, I can remember countless late night phone conversations where we struggled with knowing whether we were making the right choices, and how to know when one was right. When we worried about choosing wrong or having regrets. When we compared ourselves to others who seemed to have it all figured out. When we told each other, time and time again, "I don't know what I should do."

Being the highly sensitive, overly anxious, and slightly neurotic people that we are, I'm sure that the "I don't know what to do" questions are bound to continue. And it's nice to know that we will always have each other to call for those. But my sisterly advice to you as you enter this next chapter of life is to leave behind the doing. Let me assure you that, with all the big life questions that the 20s threw at you, you did quite well. I am so proud of the person that you are, of the life you are building, of the choices that you've made, of all the ways you make your mark on the world and make it a more beautiful and compassionate place. You have come into yourself in the most wonderful way, and I can't wait to see all the ways that you will continue to grow.


And so, for your 30s, having wrestled so much with what to do, my sisterly advice to you is to try as much as you can to just be. To know that you have proven time and again that you have what it takes to make the right choices. To know that you will make mistakes, and to know that is okay. To know that you are perfect just as you are. To celebrate all that you are and all that you will grow to be. To try as much as you can to live in that place we lived in when we were little girls, where all that matters is now, where life is not about the big questions but the simple joys, where true happiness comes not from worrying about whether we're getting it right but from singing and dancing and and running and drawing and dreaming and trying and failing without any awareness that there might be a "right" or "wrong" way to live life. And when you find that you're having a hard time doing that, come see me. We'll pull out some bubbles and sidewalk chalk.


Happy 30th birthday, my darling, from a big sister who couldn't be happier to have you in her life.