Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived in That House

Being pretty single-mindedly obsessed with all things real estate these days, I requested a copy of Meghan Daum's memoir Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived in That House from the library when I set out to read my next book. The book recounts the author's decades-long search for the "perfect" place to live and her relentless pursuit of prime real estate. I thought the book would, if nothing else, give me some insight into the home-buying process. Naturally, though, the book (and my reaction to it) is more than just about real estate.

To sum it up, the book is about "what happens when, for whatever reason, your identity becomes almost totally wrapped up not in who you are or how you live but in where you live." In her search for the perfect address and a home complete with wainscoting and perfectly lined bookshelves and tasteful art and well-tended houseplants, she says, "I thought I was only as good as my color scheme, my drawer pulls, my floors" and that "only a house could make you whole."

While I can't say that I've ever equated a house with wholeness, I definitely recognized some of myself in this sentiment. I can't remember a time when I didn't feel that the space that I lived in needed to be an accurate reflection of myself (or who I perceived myself to be). In high school, I was frustrated beyond measure that I wasn't allowed to paint the walls in my bedroom and was limited to hanging only a few pictures. In college, I covered nearly every square inch of my dorm room space with posters and pictures and inspirational quotes in an effort to express myself. In apartment after apartment, I've felt frustrated with my inability (or unwillingness) to paint or change counter tops or install new light fixtures in order to make a place my own. I've been dreaming of the day when I could buy the "perfect" house and make it just like I want it.

Of course, there's definitely something to be said for wanting where you live to be a reflection of who you are. How we design and use our spaces allows us endless opportunities to express ourselves and our creativity, and we can't help but want to live in a neighborhood that feels like "us." But this book reminded me that there is a fine line between allowing your house to reflect who you are and allowing your house to define who you are. There have definitely been moments in my search for places to live over the years where I've perhaps tiptoed over that line, and nothing seems to have brought this out more than my search for a place to buy.

I have often daydreamed of being settled into an airy, bright, urban-but-not-too-modern home with gleaming hardwood floors, lots of windows, perfect paint colors and expertly placed IKEA light fixtures and accessories. Naturally, it will be an older home with lots of charming features like arched doorways and crown molding and original woodwork. Naturally, there will also be a roaring fireplace, a cozy (but not too manicured) garden, endless shelves of books (see how smart and cultured I am?) and a reading nook. Organic herbs will grow in pots on the kitchen windowsill. I will host fabulous backyard dinner parties that last well into the night under strings of outdoor lights with colorful paper globes. Dan and I will have the luxury of walking everywhere. Though I have two cats, amazingly no one will ever see a litter box in my house.

You can see that I have a bit of a problem. This is, of course, all fantasizing, and in most moments I recognize that it is not grounded in reality. But I do have moments where I realize that I've gotten a bit too wrapped up in the idea that life would in fact be perfect (or at least be better) if I just found the right house.

To start, of course, there is no perfect house. If there is a perfect place, I probably cannot afford it. And even if there were such a perfect (and perfectly affordable) place, and even if I felt that it perfectly reflected me, who I am and what I want is invariably going to change. And then there is, of course, the fact that a house is not a home. It is a thing. It is made of stuff. The things that truly make a home a home have nothing to do with original hardwood floors or crown molding or a perfectly sized yard.

Anyone who has bought a house will probably tell you that you start out with your "dream" house in mind and adjust your expectations as the reality of what is available and what you can afford starts to really sink in. Dan and I could both tell you that we are no exception to this rule. In some ways, I think perhaps this has been harder for me than it probably is for most people. I'm continually working to remind myself of the following:

a) Just because I am still a renter does not mean I have somehow failed at being a grown-up

b) My house is a place to live, not a place to impress

c) My friends and family will be happy to come see me even if we are in a slightly cramped living room or the carpet is ugly or I don't have a fabulous back deck

d) I don't have to wait to be a homeowner before I embark on doing all the things you aren't "supposed" to do until after you are "settled" (e.g., I should ignore the people who say ridiculous things like, "I guess you guys probably aren't planning on having kids soon since you haven't bought a house yet.")

e) Once I do find a house and make it my own, I will not suddenly feel perfectly at home in the world, settled into my perfect life in the perfect place and ready for the rest of my life to begin

The good news? Dan and I put in an offer on a house yesterday. A perfectly cute Cape Cod on a ridiculously cute street. A place with hardwood floors and a new kitchen with granite counter tops and arched doorways and charming alcoves. The sellers responded with a counteroffer today--one that indicates that they are unwilling to budge in their efforts to sell the house for more than what it's worth. And so, without a moment's hesitation or regret, we walked away. Nearly perfect as that house might have been, we knew that it is not our house. Our less than perfect house is still out there waiting for us somewhere. And when we find it, we will embrace it, faults and all.

New Things: Weeks 12-14

In my mind, the last few weeks are blurred together in a fog of long work hours and busy weekends, so my new things for the last three weeks are going to have to appear in one post this time around.

First new thing: hitting the 3-mile mark on the treadmill! It's been a long while since I've run three miles, and I wasn't even planning to try for that when I started running one Saturday morning, but I was feeling good, I kept pushing through, and then I realized I'd done it, almost by accident. Perhaps it is time to consider another 5K, though it's been almost three years since my last one!

The second new thing was getting started on the website for my business. This might not sound like a big deal, but I often get paralyzed when it comes to all things technical, so I put this off for a long time because I didn't want to deal with figuring out how to go about choosing a host, finding the right template, etc. It's still a work in progress, but the most important thing was getting started, so that is one huge hurdle jumped.

The last new thing. . . and definitely the biggest. . . is that Dan and I have begun our search for a home in earnest. We toyed with the idea last summer, but we weren't sure that we were ready financially, and there wasn't a whole lot on the market in our price range to really peak our interest. We've seen a few things emerging on the market so far this year that have really gotten us thinking it's time to make a move, so we've engaged a Realtor and are officially starting our hunt. We've popped into several open houses and had our first scheduled showing over the weekend. We anticipate it will take some time to find the right place, as things don't come on the market in our area all that often, but luckily we are in a position to be patient. I am just thrilled to my fingertips at the thought of being a homeowner. I'll keep you posted as things move forward, but in the meantime, just imagine me daydreaming about paint colors, a real kitchen, storage space for home-canned veggies and home-brewed beer, a garden, and a compost pile.

Little Bursts of Happiness

I knew it had been a little while since I'd been on the blog, but I was honestly a bit shocked when I finally opened it up this afternoon and realized it had been almost three weeks since my last post. Not sure how that happened.

Lately the best description of my life and state of mind can probably be described in one word: tired. We are at the peak of tax preparation time at my job, which I find to be rewarding (and even fun) work but which takes 15-20 hours per week of my time, without any unloading of my typical full-time responsibilities. I've been coming home late a lot and skipping lunch. And, believe me, you do not want to be around me when I have skipped lunch. Jenn + hungry = bitchy monster.

On the upside, there have been good things keeping me busy, and many little bursts of happiness. Plane tickets have been purchased for our trip to Arizona in May, and I am so stoked to be taking a trip and seeing the Grand Canyon that I am already daydreaming about packing my suitcase. I decided to make a (rather impromptu) trip to Georgia in March, so a ticket has been purchased for that also. I'm a little ashamed to say that I haven't been to Georgia since Thanksgiving 2009; I'm excited to see my family and friends and have to admit that I might even be equally excited about fries, feta dip, and a veggie BLT at The Grill.

Also in new happy news. . . regular girls' nights appear to be in my future! I am SO excited about this. The last time I really had a local group of girlfriends was in 2006 before they all completed our graduate program and left St. Louis. After that, Dan and I were sort of in friend limbo while waiting to make our next move across the country. For our first couple of years here, we've spent a lot of time with couples, but I've been pining for some real girl time, especially since Dan's two best friends are here and they have regular guy outings. Much to my delight, a group of girls from my church gets together regularly for craft nights and I've been invited to join them. I had my first craft night a couple of weeks ago, and I could hardly have been more excited if it were a first date. In fact, I've been so excited about making new friends that I've been worried about coming across as being in a state of friend desperation, so hopefully I've managed to convince them that I'm (relatively) normal. I'm so happy to have girl time, especially time that inspires me to be creative--a perfect combo! I'm really looking forward to more of that and really excited to be surrounded by inspiring and amazing women!

Business stuff is humming along, though I've been too exhausted with my day job lately to put much effort into it. I feel like, at this point, I have really crystallized my concept, and I've finally settled on a name, almost finished my logo, and even purchased a domain for my website! The actual website is still a hot mess, but I'll be sure to share the link with anyone who's interested as soon as I have a chance to get it into a state that doesn't cause me extreme embarrassment. Once the site is up, the logo is finished, and the business cards are ordered, it will be time to actually start getting my services out there! As a bit of an impromptu trial in being a professional organizer, this weekend a friend e-mailed me with some pictures and a request for suggestions to help her friend get organized. I realized as I was responding to her just how excited I am about this work, and how much I've really absorbed in researching it over the last several months. I feel that I was able to really answer her questions with confidence, which for me is about 90% of the battle in my efforts to get this going. Very exciting.

New Things: Week 11

The first new thing this week was the purchase of soap nuts. I've been meaning to try these as an alternative to regular laundry detergent, and these get extra points for being fair trade! I'm hoping they might also save us a bit of money.
New thing #2 was finally getting around to switching out almost all of my plastic storage containers and replacing them with glass ones. I've long avoided putting plastic in the microwave or exposing it to heat, and I've had some glass containers that I've used for a while, but I hadn't really gotten around to switching everything over to ensure that all of my food storage is BPA-free (some of my plastic storage was years old, cheap, and probably not of the BPA-free variety). Of course, reducing BPA exposure is a good thing for anyone to consider, but what finally got me into gear was an article I read recently about the connections between Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and BPA. . . apparently women with PCOS (like me) have over 1.5 times more BPA in their systems than women without it! The last thing my systems needs is any PCOS encouragement, so that definitely pushed buying glass higher up on my priority list. I'm also going to stop buying canned beans and make the switch to 100% dried ones (or, if I'm in a pitch, stick only with Eden canned beans, which are BPA free). It felt really good to say goodbye to all of that plastic (which I'm hoping to either recycle or repurpose as containers for organizing)!

The last new (old) thing for the week was that Dan and I resumed one of our favorite dates. . . an evening at home with a puzzle, a hot beverage, and a treat for dessert. I realize this makes us among the dorkiest people we know, but for us it turns into a quiet, inexpensive night at home and something fun to work on together. We haven't worked on a puzzle since we relocated to PA, so it was fun to reinstate an old tradition! We sipped coffee, ate cannolis, listed to some Jose Gonzales and Emiliana Torrini, and put together this puzzle Dan got me for Christmas in 2009. It was lovely.

New Things: Week 10

Most of my new things for this week are small, and most of them took place in the kitchen. For starters, I made another loaf of homemade bread this weekend (to accompany minestrone soup. . . yum). This is a good thing not only because the bread was delicious, but also because it means I've repeated one of my new things, hopefully slowly making it a new habit. It was also quite fun because I finally got to use the bread bag that Dan bought me on Etsy for Christmas!


Along the lines of making my own bread, this week I also finally (after intending to do so for years) made my own salad dressing. Again, I don't know why it took me so long to get around to this. . . you take a few ingredients and stir them up in a jar. . . but for some reason I just kept picking up bottles at the store. This now seems crazy because what we made at home was so much tastier, healthier, and cheaper! I can't say I'll never pick up a bottle of Garlic Expressions again (man, is that dressing good!) but I see few (if any) salad dressing bottles in my fridge's future.

I've also been hoping to create more healthy, homemade snacks. I love granola bars and Larabars, but the former always have some sort of sugar or dairy or other additive I don't want, and the latter are healthy and taste yummy but I sometimes feel bad about the waste from the package wrappers. Last week, I made my own version of Larabars using this recipe from Vegetarian Times with dates, chia seeds, almonds, and cocoa. I've read a lot about the health benefits of chia seeds and have been wanting to incorporate more into my diet, and these bars had the advantage of being somewhat like brownies in their richness (but without any sugar, dairy, or eggs). They were super easy and so good!

My last new thing for the week actually happened at work. Among other things, my department provides free income tax preparation to low and moderate-income individuals through the Volunteer Income Tax Assistance program. I've always been really nervous about doing this because the thought of me helping someone with their taxes seemed almost laughable. But after passing the VITA test and becoming certified by the IRS to prepare taxes at both the beginner and intermediate levels, I prepared my first tax return on Friday! The preparation was for a nice couple with a new (2 week old and adorable!) baby, and their refund was over $1000, which I know will make a big difference to them, especially given their income level and growing family. It was nice to be a part of that, and also to gain the confidence boost that comes from doing something as complex as filing taxes! It was a good reminder to me that moving outside of our comfort zones is good, and also that we are capable of much more than we often believe ourselves to be.

New Things: Weeks 8 & 9

The past couple of weeks have been busy ones. We headed out of town to see friends over the weekend, and the week prior to that, Seester and Brother (her husband) were here for a visit, complete with a trip to see the always amazing "Les Miserables!" It was such a lovely visit. If only we could live closer. . . sigh.

In continuing the tradition of new things (or old things that I stopped doing and would like to do again), I continued my efforts to get crafty by picking up knitting for the first time in years. I never moved beyond scarves when I initially started knitting--and I'm working on a scarf now--but I figure I'll wait to get through that before I tackle something more complicated. I forgot how nice (and even meditative) it can be to complete those rhythmic motions.

The other new old thing for the last couple of weeks--and definitely the most time-consuming--has been reading a classic novel. A year or so ago, I bought a copy of Anna Karenina. Being that it is an 850+ page 19th-century Russian novel, it was hard to really get around to reading it. I have long since given up on reading books just because they are classics (life is too short to read something that you don't like or that bores you), but I do enjoy a good juicy classic now and then, and it seemed that Anna Karenina might fit the bill. The challenge was finding the time to read it without spending six months with it--luckily, the Christmas break gave me a good opportunity to get started, and I finished reading it last week.

I hoped that I would like Anna Karenina. I didn't expect to love it. Despite its length, I tore through it. I loved the humanness of the characters, the depiction of Russian life and society, the novel's philosophical bent, and the subtlety with which the characters change throughout the novel and lead up to the book's conclusion (one that literally left me with my jaw hanging open). It had a surprisingly contemporary feel to it, and it's been a long time since I've been that engrossed in a book. I'd actually love to reread it, but perhaps I'll save that for another time. For now, I'm definitely ready for some lighter fare--perhaps a rereading of the Twilight series?

I decided to start a new list (on the right) called "Bookshelf," just to share what I'm reading and to record what I've read this year. I won't be including any business or organizing books--which take up a lot of my reading time--but I'm hoping to put a nice dent in the never-ending list of books I'd like to get to. I'd love to know what any of you are reading, as well!

Slow and Steady

For the past couple of weeks, I've really struggled to get back into the swing of things. Over my holiday vacation, I took a break from business planning, from the gym, from healthy eating, from a regular bedtime, from avoiding too much caffeine. . . and now I'm trying to navigate the transition back into old habits like getting to the gym in the mornings, planning weekly meals, and devoting chunks of time (and brain energy) to my business plans. I find it ironic that, as most people are using the new year to kick-off new habits, I'm trying to get back to the old ones I'd cultivated up until Christmas. My eleven days off of work apparently became eleven days off from everything! The transition has been a little rough, to say the least. Once I get going on something, I'm pretty committed to it. . . but if my plans veer off course or I lose motivation, it always takes me a while to get back on track. This is apparently one old (bad) habit that I need to leave behind.

Having said that, taking a break was good. After entering every single food item I eat into an online program every day since May, getting up at 5:30 in the morning to make it to the gym, and giving up my weekends entirely to business planning, it was great to enjoy holiday treats without worrying about my waistline, to lounge in bed in the mornings, and to give my mind a rest from constant business brainstorming. I always think it's good to step back for a while from anything you're investing a lot of creative time or energy into, so I'm hoping that the break will help me revisit my business plans with fresh eyes. While taking a rest form my usual activities, I caught up on long-neglected projects around the house, started some new ones, and spent a lot of R&R with the hubs.

I am definitely a person who thrives on routine--perhaps too much so. Having a regular schedule helps me stay on track and jibes well with my goal-orientated nature, but transitions can really throw me off course. Sometimes even the transition from the weekdays to the weekend (or vice versa) can be a little rocky for me. I try to force myself to break up the routine sometimes, but it's not easy--and I worry that sometimes my need for routine is going to interfere with things like running a business or, eventually, being a parent. I'm not exactly the most adaptable person, thought it's something I try to work on (hence the spirit behind my plan of new things). I guess, though, that most of us have a tendency for the familiar.

On the upside, I tend to be pretty tenacious. And my goal-oriented self doesn't like to be off track for too long. Rather than beat myself up over the last year or so for not getting my business off the ground when I hoped, or not losing weight as quickly as I thought I should, or still working to gain traction in my exercise habits, my new motto has been "slow but steady." There's something to be said for taking a flying leap, but that's just not me. And perhaps knowing yourself is the biggest key to success. So, slowly but surely, here I go!

New Things: Week 7

I am pretty consistent about taking canvas shopping bags into stores--so much so that I sometimes have to purposefully leave them in the car because we are out of plastic bags for kitty litter. On my list of things to do has been to buy reusable produce bags. I try to avoid the clear plastic ones altogether and just throw loose items into my cart, but for some items, like greens, they seem necessary. I have had these reusable ones on my wish list for a while but hadn't gotten around to ordering them, and then I saw the ones below newly stocked in my local natural foods store! I love that they come with a cute little apple pouch that they can all be stored in. One more small step toward a greener life.

The next new thing for this week? Making oatmeal instead of buying it in smaller packets. As convenient as the latter are for mornings at work, they create so much waste, and I've known that making oatmeal at home would be healthier. I bought this bulk bag of oats several months ago--and instead of just making some freaking oatmeal with it, I kept buying packets and left the bag of oats sitting in my pantry (I think my new things are probably just succeeding in showing you all how lazy I can be).

Saturday morning, I cooked up some oatmeal with a cut-up apple and some lemon juice, topped it with maple syrup and toasted pecans, and had a healthy, hearty breakfast. I made extra to put in the fridge to take and reheat at work. Yum yum.

The last new thing of the week. . . salsa dancing! Some friends invited Dan and I to join them for salsa lessons after they put together an event and auctioned off spots for our church fundraiser. I never thought Dan would go, but he almost immediately took a "why not?" attitude. Yes, that's right, friends. . . DAN danced both the salsa and the merengue on Friday night! He did quite well, and it was a fun new thing for us to do together. Just the fact that he did it makes me love him even more (I swear he is just the cutest). On a side note, I have also now danced both the salsa and the merengue with my minister . . . now that definitely falls under the category of "something new!"

If You Have Cats, This is a Must Read!

In addition to finally pulling out the sewing machine, the other thing I finally did last week was get around to researching new options for my cats' food. This does not sound monumental, but I have discovered that determining what is healthy for a cat to eat is almost as confusing as determining the best diet for people. I am very fortunate to have a veterinary technician (my sis) on my side to help direct me to resources. She sent me to this website a while ago, and for some time I have been in denial about the fact that there is a good chance the food I was feeding my cats was the equivalent of giving them McDonald's every day (and I was giving them supposedly "good" stuff).

To all my friends with cats, take note: I've become convinced that cats should not be eating dry food and I'm switching mine to a high-quality, high-protein, low-carb wet food. I've decided to make the switch even though it's more expensive, and even though every time I smell wet food or see it or it accidentally touches me anywhere on my fingers I kind of want to vomit. My cats will still get dry food once a day because Dan and I don't sleep if we don't use the automatic cat feeder for their morning feedings (and dry is the only option there), but the other two feedings will be wet food only, and I'm going to switch their dry food to a high-protein, low-carb variety while adding a little extra water to their wet food to ensure they stay properly hydrated.

If you have kitties that you love (and I know many of you do), please, please take some time to read through the info here on this website. It's a lot to wade through, but it can't be surprising to anyone that pet food companies are out to make a profit and are not always looking out for the best interests of our furry friends, so we have to be educated. To me, the information presented here makes sense, and switching my cats' food seems to me to be the best thing I can to do to help them lead healthy lives.

My little girls

If you are interested in knowing which foods I've decided to switch to after doing hours of research, feel free to leave me a comment or drop me an e-mail!

New Thing: Week 6

On my list of Christmas break "to do"s was to pull out the sewing machine. The sad, lonely, neglected sewing machine that has been sitting in the bottom of my closet for some time now. I'm not sure how that happened.

I decided to start with something super basic, as it has been so long since I've sewed that I (very sadly) had to consult the sewing machine manual to remind me how to properly thread it. I hemmed two pairs of pants and put together this simple table runner, which was supposed to be an early December project but ended up happening the day after Christmas (oops). I figured I couldn't go wrong with straight lines and a non-committal holiday project to ease me back in. I was never a great sewer, but at least I know now that I can still stitch together a few pieces of fabric!