Miscellany

I am definitely succumbing to I-don't-want-to-miss-anything syndrome by staying up way past my bedtime every night to watch the Olympics. I know I should just go to bed. I know that, if I miss anything, I can watch it again somewhere else later. "But the Olympics only happen every two years," I tell myself. "But tonight is THE (insert media-hyped event here) and you don't want to miss it," I think. The last two nights, I've found myself, despite all efforts, nodding off on the couch and heading to bed at 11. But every night, I start out determined, and I'm determined to make it through to the end of men's figure skating. I can already feel my body protesting, but I'll do my best (after all, Saturday is almost here and then I can sleep in!).

On a related note, the Opening Ceremonies made me wish, even more, that I were Canadian.

Tea is my new favorite thing. I've never been much of a tea drinker, but I picked it up after I gave up caffeine, and I am hooked. I drink it black, and it is my new favorite (calorie-free) treat to myself. . . in the mornings, when I need an afternoon pick-me-up at work, when I am settling down before bedtime. There are a staggering number of delicious varieties, and I've been partaking of them all, from herbal to Earl Grey. . . how have I missed out on this for so long?

Tomorrow I am back to volunteering. . . woohoo! I haven't had any major dizziness since November (and I started regular driving again this month), so tomorrow I'm starting up my work again with Art-Reach, volunteering as a Host Ambassador (essentially a greeter/liaison) at a production of "Bye Bye Birdie." It feels great to get back in the swing of things.

I have barely seen Dan this month. He is holed up, having his own NaNoWriMo (which we have termed DaNoWriMo), an event he had to pass up in November because we were too busy with the move. 50,000 words in 28 days, and he is right on target more than halfway through the month. . . go, Dan!

Vacation time has been approved and tickets have been purchased for our two-week trip to California in April. . . yay! More details later, but it is going to be one incredible trip, and I'm so excited!

And MORE Snow. . .

I know that, to many people (i.e., those who live in Minnesota or upstate New York), this snow is no big deal. I know the media has beat this storm to death. But this is definitely more snow than I have ever seen. It is by far the most snow that Philadelphia has ever seen (our normal winter snowfall is about 19 inches; we are now over 7o, with more on the way). And I have never seen my car like I saw it this morning.

Right outside our door

Right outside the entrance to our patio

The trees were even more beautiful last night. Of course, they were also leaning over from the weight of the snow in a very scary fashion, but I was trying to ignore that part.

A mound of snow behind our building (once the plow comes through, there will be more)

Little snowman

The mess that is our street

And, this, my friends, is how we found the car this morning

Snow!

Shoveling--the most fun part!

The snow awaiting us outside our patio gate

Nessa, all cozy inside while the snow falls behind her

Elsie, posing next to her cat-proofed automatic feeder (thanks to the diligence of Dan)

What Dan and I like to call "the air conditioner snow pouf"

A little love for my sweetie

Aaah!

Yummy yummy

Moving into week two, the vegan diet is going well so far. I still feel really good about doing this, and it hasn't been as hard as I worried it might be. I thought for sure I would have caved by now, but so far, so good. Focusing on what I can eat--instead of what I choose not to eat--has made a big difference. Of course, I have a loooong way to go, but I'm proud of myself for a good start. The fact that I am taking openly about this so much, telling coworkers about it, and even having dreams about it (!) makes me feel good that I am "for real" this time.

Two things that have definitely made the week easier: vegan BLTs and Mac & Cheese. Though Dan and I have loaded up on the usual vegetables, grains, legumes, tofu, etc., the reality is that, without the occasional treat like Mac & Cheese or a BLT, I will never make it. Adding in these treats made it a lot easier for me to keep with my plan and avoid giving in, throwing in the towel, and heading straight for the pizza place (there happens to be a very good one right around the corner from our house).

Here's a list of our meals this week, some of which are old favorites and some of which are new. I am very fortunate to have a husband who is totally down with a vegan diet and who happily cooks all of this delicious food (in exchange for my meal planning, shopping, and dish washing). And in case you haven't noticed, I rely a lot on recipes from Vegetarian Times--I look forward to my issue every month and highly recommend it!

Yukon Gold and Baby Spinach Masala with brown jasmine rice, Puppodums (a thin Indian cracker/bread), and Green Chutney

Native American Toasted-Pecan Soup with crusty bread and a salad

Mexican Polenta (sans the feta) with refried black beans and a salad

Mac & Cheese* with roasted kale
(*This recipe is really good and will totally satisfy my cheese cravings without requiring me to eat any non-dairy cheese. I was so in love with it that I scraped every last bit of sauce from the bowl.)

Stir-Fried Udon Noodles with Bok Choy

BLTs (using Vegenaise and LightLife Fakin' Bacon) with BBQ chips

Pasta with Roasted Vegetables

And, as a treat, we made these chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, which we are still enjoying. :)

I'll be sitting down this weekend to plan out our meals for next week. I'm looking forward to the vegan meal plan, week two!

"Just Make Sure You Don't Starve"

Almost three years ago, I made the switch to a vegetarian diet. It was the culmination of a long process, starting with giving up red meat, then limiting most meat altogether, and finally deciding that giving it up was something I could do. The China Study pushed me over the edge to start down the veg path, and though it totally convinced me that a vegan diet was the healthiest thing to do, going vegan was never something I imagined for myself. I gave it an (unsuccessful) trial period for a month, then decided to make more vegan meals at home, but ultimately decided that a vegan diet was too difficult to manage and that a life without cheese was unthinkable.

Nonetheless, I did have a nagging feeling every now and then that a vegan diet was something I really wanted to do. As I've developed several health conditions over the last few years, I've been unable to shake the feeling that a vegan diet might make a difference. The more I've learned about factory farming, the more horrified I have become at the dairy and egg industries. Of course, there are many healthy alternatives to a vegan diet. And there are many humane farmers out there who treat their animals with compassion and respect (though, unfortunately, they are a ridiculously small minority compared the monstrosity that is factory farming). Still, as much as I love cheese--and I honestly don't think that I know anyone who loves cheese more than me--I occasionally found myself wondering if I loved it enough to ignore the nagging concerns that I had.

I am not out to share some vegan manifesto. I do not believe, in any way, that a vegan diet is for everyone. But, for me, something has clicked. Somehow, in the past several weeks, a few things have finally culminated into the "Aha!" moment I needed. I gave up caffeine and alcohol for my Meneire's--two things I thought it would be impossible to give up altogether--and it turns out that I'm getting along just fine. During my research into dietary factors that could be contributing to my health conditions, I realized that casein may, in fact, be the worst culprit of all. I picked up a copy of Alicia Silverstone's book The Kind Diet during a trip to Barnes & Noble and found all of my reasons for considering a vegan diet reinforced on the pages. And suddenly, I got it: I have all the information I need, and everything is pointing to the fact that now is the time. And so, my friends, I am going vegan.

More than anything, I think I finally have the courage to do it. Every time I've considered going vegan in the past, a series of questions have plagued me: Am I ready for the endless comments from others who won't understand? What if no one wants to invite me to dinner parties? What if I stress out my mother at Thanksgiving? Can I avoid all the food around me at potlucks and birthday parties and during the holidays? What will I order when I go out to eat? And so on, and so on. Turns out, these questions mostly revolve around one thing: what other people will think, and how they will respond. I realize now that I can't avoid doing something I know is right for me for fear that it might inconvenience others or make me feel like I'm on the outside of things. Most people will understand, or will at least be accepting if they don't. And, of course, many will not. And that is okay. I can handle that.

There is, of course, the final question that remains: what about cheese? I thought about this one for a long time (I love it that much), but in the end, I realized that I was basing my life decisions around cheese pizza, and that started to seem ridiculous. I love, love, love food, but there are still SO many wonderful, delicious, satisfying foods that I can eat, and it's more than possible for me to live without one of them. It may not be easy at first, but I can do it, and I think I will feel better for it in the end. Now that I've been without cheese for some time, I don't find myself craving it much any more. In fact, I was rather horrified about what happened to my body when I stopped eating dairy; I didn't know this could happen, but it turns out that you can go through dairy detox. I was ridiculously tired, head-achey, and nauseous for several days when I first stopped eating dairy--I was THAT addicted, and when I think about it, it makes me a little relieved that I let it go. Luckily, I'm feeling great now, and my cravings have switched from cheese to vegetarian sushi (mmmm).

I make this sound as though I have this all perfectly in the bag, but of course I do not. Though I definitely feel different this time--and though I truly do believe that I am ready for the switch--I have yet to see how I will handle all the obstacles ahead. I have been out to eat a couple of times without a problem, and I did pass up dessert at a friend's house last weekend (they knew about my diet changes, and politely asked me if they needed to make a vegan dessert, but I told them to go ahead with their plans and also brought some vegan cookies to share). I've successfully avoided many of the snacks and goodies at the office. I'm still working out how I'm going to handle unique situations like travel and the holidays, for which I may make exceptions, meaning that I allow myself to eat vegetarian--rather than vegan--a couple of times a year. We'll see how things unfold. I'm not going to punish myself or restrict myself to the point that I'm stressed or miserable, but I do feel that sticking to a vegan diet as much as I can--if not all of the time--feels like the right thing to do.

As for the title of this post--"just make sure you don't starve"--that was my mother's reaction when I told her about the switch (though, overall, she was very understanding). Luckily, there will be no starvation in sight. Instead, to me, it feels more like an abundance. More like a way to be more of myself and to remain truest to my values, to my goals, and to the life I envision for myself. It feels good. And I feel good that I finally have the courage and resolve to give it a real shot.

Is It May Yet?

The week before Thanksgiving, Dan and I received our last CSA share for the season. My enthusiasm for farm-fresh produce never waiving, I continued to take pictures of each of our shares, each time, up until the very end. I'm not quite sure where those pictures are (on the camera? on my computer? on Dan's?), so I'll spare you yet another series of produce shots, but let me assure you that the beauty and deliciousness of my CSA vegetables far surpasses the less-than-lush, less-than-fresh produce I now find myself occasionally buying from the store.

As pleased as I was with our CSA experience, a new place means a new CSA for us this year. I had hoped to stick with our last farmer, but there just aren't any delivery sites convenient for us, so this year we're going with Willing Hands Organic Farm (www.willinghandsorganicfarm.com). I'm pumped because not only is it all organic (our last CSA was also, but I've discovered that sometimes organic ones can be hard to find around here), but we will pick up our share at the farmers' market, which means that we will have extra incentive to buy even more delicious, local items!

I'll put the application and check in the mail tomorrow. I'm so pumped and can't wait for the first box. Now I just have to be patient for five more months. . . .

Quiet Spaces

I feel as though, for the first time in weeks, I have a chance to breathe. My life has been nothing short of a complete and total whirlwind since October: sick, doctor's appointments, sick, apartment searching, sick, packing up the apartment, more sick, moving day, unpacking, trying desperately to get the house in order, putting up the tree, finishing the holiday shopping, 18 inches of snow, a week-long visit from the in-laws at Christmas, a visit from my mom and stepdad right after the New Year. And, in the middle of all this, no driving.

And now. . . some quiet. A little, anyway. I sit for my social work licensure exam on the 16th, so I've been putting away many hours with the books, and I have to work a couple Saturdays this month. Still, I've found time to read a novel or two, to pick up some cross-stitching, and to catch up on some movie watching. The fact that I have my own time again, in a house that is in order, feels like such a gift. The introvert in me is so pleased to have some down time to recharge.

And, amazingly, I have been feeling quite well for the last month or so. I still get a little dizzy from time to time, but it's been at least six weeks since I've been bound to the couch. It's hard to know if this is because my symptoms are in remission or because my new diet--no alcohol, no caffeine, and low-salt--has made a difference. Only time will tell, but I've been so grateful to feel like myself again.

All of this--the downtime after the hustle and bustle of the move and the holidays, the recovery from the initial shock and worries of my Meniere's diagnosis, the days of good health and energy, the removal of caffeine from my diet--have given the New Year a new feeling this time around.

I've given up my morning cup of coffee, a cup which I loved with a fierce intensity, and have replaced it with herbal and decaf teas. Whether it's the lack of caffeine or my general associations with tea, my morning beverage, strangely enough, feels different, as though I'm nourishing myself in a moment of quiet rather than feeding my body its morning drug of choice. Though I sometimes desperately miss driving, and hope to start again in February, stepping out from behind the wheel has also forced me to give up control, to put aside my need to get exactly where I want to be when I want to be there, and to--quite simply--learn how to wait. Our new place--comfortable and cozy, in a lovely and quiet neighborhood, void of screaming neighbors or trash on the sidewalk--has given me a new feeling of calm. After months of chaos, I'm relishing this time of wellness and quiet in a way I haven't in a very long time.

For years, I've been working on slowing down, on finding the quiet spaces in my life, on focusing more on the present and less on my worries and my "to do" list. It is, no doubt, something that I will work on for a lifetime. Each year, though, I hope to grow a little. So far this year, I think I've already covered some ground.

Resolutions

I haven't really made any resolutions in the last couple of years, and I hadn't planned on making any for 2010. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that I've been making resolutions over the last several months, so now seems a good time to make them official. Among my health issues and worries of late, I've adopted several mantas for myself. It only makes sense that they should have a place of prominence in 2010.

Listen more (to others, to myself, and especially to my body and what it needs).

Worry less.

Read more.

Give more.

Here's wishing everyone a joyous and abundant year!

Just Because I Think It's Beautiful

Last weekend, Dan and I went on one of our favorite dates: a visit to the bookstore. While sipping my pumpkin spice latte (mmm) and flipping through magazines, I came across this quote in O magazine that I thought was so lovely, I wanted to share.

To feel the love of people whom we love is a fire that feeds our life. But to feel the affection that comes from those whom we do not know, from those unknown to us, who are watching over our sleep and solitude, over our dangers and our weaknesses--that is something still greater and more beautiful because it widens out the boundaries of our being, and unites all living things.

~Pablo Neruda, from "Children and Poetry"

Today is a Good Day

For the first time in a while, I'm feeling almost like myself again (though my dizziness/vertigo tends to come in cycles, so I'm not out of the woods yet). I even feel well enough to handle the laundry, which includes walking up and down 28 steps. In celebration of this, I am determined to only share happy things.

1) Dan and I have rented a townhouse in downtown Media, our new favorite place on Earth! The house is great. It has two stories, a washer and dryer (no more stairs!), a patio, and off-street parking. It's a ten minute walk to the train station and only a couple of blocks from State Street, which means that Dan and I will be able to walk to dozens of restaurants and shops, will be able to take the trolley up and down the main strip, and can even walk to Trader Joe's!

2) Having a townhouse means no more sharing walls with others. A new place also means goodbye to the neighbors across the hall who have plagued my existence since January 2. We move in early December, at which time I will silently give them a forever farewell.

3) After we move, my 50-minute commute to work will drop to 15 minutes (once I am able to drive again).

4) I found out yesterday from my doctor that my MRI came back fine and I do not, in fact, have a mass in my brain. He also told me that my brain is a little bigger than average, which of course came as no surprise to me. :)

5) I managed to make it through trick-or-treating on Halloween with my friends and their kids and didn't even have to hold on to Dan the whole time. And my Frida Kahlo costume rocked this year (I've been Frida before, but was determined to do a repeat, and I have to say that I quite outdid my last effort).

6) Thanksgiving is just over two weeks away. I haven't been to Georgia since last Christmas and can't wait to see everyone! My sister and I even have a "New Moon" viewing planned, which is super exciting. Hooray for Seester time!

7) I've been making my way through a reread of the Harry Potter series and am whizzing through The Half-Blood Prince, on my way to the finish line.

8) I went to Toys R Us last weekend to buy a birthday gift for the daughter of our friends, who just turned four. Buying presents is one of my very favorite things, and buying toys (and books) is even more fun!

9) I am off to watch tonight's episode of "So You Think You Can Dance." True happiness.

10) Did I mention that I'm feeling better? Even though I'm almost positive it's only temporary, it's nice to be myself again for at least a little while.