Resolutions

I don't typically make resolutions around the new year. If I do, they tend to be half-hearted, like my "resolution" this year to curse less at work. This is one resolution that I'm pretty sure will never really happen, particularly because my workplace is a hotbed of four-letter words. If you spent some time at my office, you'd understand why. Trust me on this one.

In some ways, though, this blog (the word "blog" sounds so silly that I find it difficult to take myself seriously). . . anyway, this blog is a bit of resolution for me. In many ways, it's a means of pushing myself, of taking a risk, of letting go of some of my incessant need to do things perfectly. The truth is, I don't really like to do things I'm not good at. And I'm often not the talker in groups because I secretly worry that I have nothing interesting or funny enough to say. I'm frequently surrounded by brilliant, talented, thoughtful, witty people. Seriously. My friends and peers are some of the most amazing people ever.

Not that I think I'm a lump on a log or anything. In fact, I figure that if I'm surrounded by such wonderful people, I must be pretty wonderful myself. But so often in my life, I avoid doing things because I worry that I will do them wrong. Or I spend so much time comparing myself to others that I forget what is unique about myself. So I'm going to start this without knowing whether it will be good, or whether people will find it interesting, or whether I will even find the time to get it done. I'm taking the plunge even though I'm not sure I have much to say, even though I'm afraid I might post something and regret it later, even though my heart is racing a little bit just thinking about putting so much of myself out there for everyone to see.

And so, if resolutions are about growing, if they're about bettering yourself and breaking old habits, then I guess this blog is a resolution for me. And this one, I plan to keep.