Where Do I Clock Out?

My day at work started at 9:00 am and ended at 8:30 pm. I wasn't feeling well this morning, and I considered calling off, but then I remembered that I needed to fill in for one of my staff and take a customer to the doctor. Taking the day off would have backfired, anyway--we have an audit on Friday, and I have so much to do for that, I can hardly think.

In so many ways, my job is great. I have a lot of autonomy and a lot of flexibility. And, of course, I know every day that I am making a difference in someone's life. Thanks to our services, our customers are living in homes rather than in institutions or on the streets. They have friends and jobs and busy lives. They have the satisfaction of contributing to their communities rather than being treated like a burden. They can pay their own bills and take care of their children. Perhaps most importantly, they have someone in their lives who cares for them and is looking out for them.

But at the same time, it's hard to call in sick because I know so many people are relying on me (like, for instance, my customer who needed to get to her doctor). And I'm very aware that making a mistake can mean that a customer gets the wrong medication, or that a customer loses benefits and can't pay rent, or that a customer is taken advantage of or abused by a family member or staff. I do realize that the world would keep turning if I didn't show up to work, and there are many other capable people looking after my customers. But I also can hardly look at my calendar each day without at least one high-priority task or meeting staring back at me--and those meetings and tasks are always connected to a person who is looking to our organization for support.

So when I'm not feeling well, or when it's coming up on 6:00 and I know I should go home, I sometimes miss previous jobs where I could call off without worry--jobs that involved a time card and an end to my shift, at which point I just clocked out and left my work behind. As unsatisfying as some of those jobs were, on a day like today, a time card and a day in bed would be a welcome relief.